Guy Does His Best Puckered Butthole Expression For Hatchet-Attack Mugshot

You have two options when it comes to getting your mugshot taken: look normal (i.e. miserable) and without any fanfare, or look like a goddamn loon and possibly gain some notoriety over it.

63-year-old Noel E. Dawson went with the latter.

From North Toledo, Ohio, Dawson was arrested after reports of him allegedly chasing a relative on Sunday with a hatchet. According to Daily Mail, Dawson swung the hatchet, missed, and his the man’s truck instead, reportedly leaving a large dent in the hood.

Because hatchet attacks are frowned upon in Ohio (just like in most places), police were quick to arrest Dawson, though he did not go quietly – during his arrest Dawson was shouting obscenities, which you’d think would be more common when getting arrested? I guess most people are smart enough to actually remain silent when advised. He also allegedly “refused to disclose identifying information, so was charged with ‘failure to disclose personal information.’”

Does any of this information explain his mugshot photo? Not really – but if I told you to picture a “hatchet-wielding, obscenity-shouting man from Ohio,” this is probably close to what you came up with, if not exact:

Dude looks like his face is being puckered into a butthole, or like someone swiped a squeegee from his chin-up and it froze that way. Anyone else look at that lip and get a flashback to playing Mario Party?

Ahhh, the good ol' days.

I’m trying real hard right now to get my top lip to touch the bottom of my nose and it’s not working. I also can’t get my eyebrows to go that high – did I have a stroke without anyone noticing, or is this guy’s face just made out of putty?

Dawson was eventually charged with domestic violence, assault, criminal damaging, and failure to disclosure personal information; he entered a plea of “not guilty” on Thursday in the Toledo Municipal Court, and bond was set at $50,000.