There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help the environment. Who doesn’t want to try and make the world a better place? It becomes a problem when people start to treat parts of the environment that can’t hold down a job or poop in a civilized manner. That’s why a certain New York City councilman seems to have gone a bit off the deep end of sanity’s public swimming pool.
New York City Councilman Mark Levine wants to give every tree in New York City its own email. No, that’s not a hilarious autocorrect typo you’re reading that completely changes the concept of a sentence. I had to read it four times just to make sure it made sense and I’m still not sure about it.
Levine’s proposal involves creating an email list for 200 assigned trees located throughout the city with signs posted on each tree showing their individual email address. You’re probably thinking that residents can send an email to that address if there’s a problem with that tree that requires a maintenance crew but a spokesperson for the councilman’s office says they are meant to be “a mechanism for keeping public engagement with the trees.” I’m pretty sure that sentence ended with a pilot “Excuse me” and the sound of someone snorting a very long line of heroin laced cocaine.
If that doesn’t sound insane enough, then here’s another kick to your brain. This is based on an existing program. Melbourne, Australia as an “email for trees” program that’s been in place for 2013 and it’s had an interesting effect on the people who actually use it.
A report in The Atlantic shows that people have been writing love letters to individual trees and the city has people who actually write responses on behalf of the trees. Why stop there? Why not have the trees run for public office? It would definitely make our current presidential primary season intentionally funny.