NBA 2K15 Turns Gamers Into Monsters

NBA 2K15 has a feature that allows gamers to put their face on one of the players in the game. It’s really cool… when it works. However many players are now discovering, the results are sometimes – OH GOD! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!

The game’s MyCareer mode offers an experience like never before by putting you on the court amongst your favorite NBA superstars, minus the multi-million dollar contracts and endorsement deals. Using the camera from the Xbox One or PlayStation 4, players are able to scan their faces right into the game. Then within minutes, NBA 2K15 uses next-gen Satanic technology to turn that scan into a 3D model that can be used within the game. However, these images need to be captured under optimal conditions or else you might end up looking like the inbred killers from the Wrong Turn movies.


Players are posting the failed scans on social media and they are hilariously grotesque. Imagine an entire roster of the Ripley clones from Alien: Resurrection. Check them out:

Pinhead’s little brother was a #2 draft pick!

I want to lick your toes!

Commence the probe!

He looked into the Ark!

Dog Man want your bone!

As you can see, they are all nuclear nightmare fuel, but the NBA 2K marketing director has offered up some advice to prevent the court from looking like Silent Hill 2K15.


  1. Make sure to be in a well lit area and minimize shadows. Natural lighting from the front and sides is best but keep it as equal/neutral as possible. Accurate skin tone is dependent on lighting and may need to be edited after the scan. Try not to be possessed.

    2. Please remove any headwear accessories (glasses, caps, headbands, masks, etc.). If your bangs are too long, they could mess up the texture, so use a hairband to hold the hair off your forehead. Don’t have tusks.

    3. You want to turn your head slowly 30 degrees to the left and right as the camera is taking hundreds of pictures of you. Keep your chin on a level field. Don’t move the camera during this process. Don’t murder innocents and drink their blood until the process is over.

    4. The scan area picks up the bottom of your chin to the top of your head. Keep your head in the green box. We don’t scan head shape, ears, or eye color so users will need to edit those after the scan. If you have a second head, pick the one you like best to scan.

    5. Keep your eyes open and eye level with camera (try to avoid angling camera too far up or too far down, should remain neutral). Look at the central of the camera, keep your mouth closed, don’t smile or make other facial expressions. Consider shaving, you can always add facial hair after the scan.  Don’t worry about including otherworldly screams of the damned, they can be played from our custom music track feature.

    6. If you continue to have trouble scanning, try holding a white piece of paper below your neck but in the field of view of the camera. The closer to the camera you can get, the better quality scan you’ll get. If you lose tracking a lot while turning your head, try backing up an inch or two.  If this is impossible due to the bodies piled behind you, maybe clear one or two into a wood chipper.

    7. Once scanned, you can access our robust customization menu to ensure that your MyPlayer image accurately reflects your facial features and tone. Look out for future DLC which will allow for the addition of horns, wings and flaming bile.

    8. For you perfectionists out there, you may want to try several times until you are satisfied with the quality of your scan. Feel free to scan at any point in your MyCareer. Grow a beard and want it in there? You won’t lose your progress!  Hail Satan!

What’s wrong with me?!?

Unfortunately, he has not offered a fix for Chris Kaman.