The World is Going to End in 15 Years. Sorry.

Ian-Fortey by Ian-Fortey on May. 21, 2014

The title of this is very glib, don’t you think?  It stems from an inherent disbelief in the veracity of the claim, and maybe a jigger or two of suicidal laziness.  And yet, what if it’s true?  According to a NASA funded study that takes a number of factors into consideration, the future of our civilization is grim.  Like many empires before us – Mayans, Romans, Greeks and more, it looks as though we’re heading towards a big, inescapable and catastrophic downturn, a result of many factors including economics, climate, lack of resources, too many Kardashians and the division between elites and the masses.  Eventually all great societies find themselves wrapped up in the same threads of decay and they crumble.  And our society is no different.

So, let’s say climate is an issue.  And even if you don’t believe in manmade climate change, don’t worry about that.  Just acknowledge that the climate is, for whatever reason, changing.  And the Antarctic is falling apart, amongst other issues, which are irrevocably changing the world around us.  The Elite, or the 1%, control the flow of resources and the rest of us spread out to infect the earth and strain it beyond reason by gobbling up all that sweet, sweet oil and corn (maize, if you will) and goat's meat.  We currently use resources faster than they can be replenished.  This trend will continue until we reach a turning point.  That turning point will be, for lack of a better term, the end of the world as we know it. R.E.M. was right!

Is the Earth going to blow up?  Of course not.  Will everyone die?  Not at all.  But it is possible, maybe even likely, that our world is heading towards a massive event, or more specifically chain of events, in which the basic structure of the world we take for granted falls apart around us like an IKEA gazebo we put together after a peyote and Thunderbird bender.  This will result in massive starvation, population shifts, the rising of sea levels changing the landscape around the world, the return of Must See TV and countries falling into economic and social chaos and probably a hell of a lot of death. 

It sounds crazy, right?  Impossible even.  But if it has happened to many, many great societies before us, what’s to stop it from happening again?  What are we relying on to save us? We haven't even invented hoverboards yet.

The study takes into account that we are living in an advanced technological age, but actually turns the idea that technology will save us on its head by suggesting it will make the situation worse.  By relying on technology we’ll ride our impending doom right to the breaking point, staring at iPhones and JCrews and Kcups while locusts eat our crops and grandparents.  And the Elite will of course manage just fine for themselves until the last possible moment while the commoners suffer and fall, until even they must succumb to what happens.

There are of course ways to ameliorate the problem, as it is presented in this one study, which involve better distribution of resources, reliance on renewable resources, all that kind of hippie stuff the left proposes and the right snubs.  It doesn’t matter because none of it will come to pass because no one will believe it.  No one will believe we need to make a change until it is too late.  As a species, we refuse to believe speculation, it's like a Boogeyman made of Loch Ness Monsters and female orgasms, can't possibly be real.  We won’t even believe observation if we can’t observe it firsthand for ourselves.  Scientists around the world, every single one worth their degree, will tell you climate change is real and an imminent problem that needs to be addressed.  Look how many people still don’t believe.  Look how people like Donald Trump will hit up Twitter during a snow storm and make a snide, scientifically ignorant remark about how climate change is a joke.  That’s how stupid we are as a species.  

Do you trust a NASA study that says in as early as 15 years our society could be doomed to collapse?  Would anything make you believe it before it actually happened?  And even if you did believe it, do you think enough other people would believe it to make a difference? 

Are we doomed?  And if so, ladies, do you want to make an unmemorable mistake with an online comedy writer?  Hit me up on Twitter!  @ianfortey