In a year of bad stuff this past week has been particularly bad for sandwich chain Subway. Some dude just found a rat in his sub and the rat wasn’t even holding a piece of pizza. Now a store location up in East Anchorage, Alaska done got torn up quicker than a Palin at a baby shower party.
She really didn’t want pickles.
Turns out a lady was high on a fun new drug the kids are doing called “Spice” and we aren’t talking about the pepperchinis or the Oregano on her foot long. She was having an extreme, violent reaction to this type of synthetic marijuana, something police say happens often to folks who try the drug. Spice is more popular now than meth or heroin in Alaska. Have they tried the Subway Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki though?
To be fair there isn’t much else to do in Alaska.
Most of us enter a Subway, approach the fingerprint gobbed sneeze guard and stare slack jawed at the menu for a moment contemplating if we want the six inch sub with one scoop of tuna and a slice of lettuce or if we really hate ourselves and go all in for 12 whole inches of a chicken, bacon ranch with extra mayonnaise and double cheese on a toasted bun. Not this Spice Girl.
At around 7:30PM on Tuesday night the woman took all her clothes off and started breaking furniture, knocking over cash registers, computers, sprayed a fire extinguisher before locking herself in the bathroom which she also wrecked. Damn, normally when someone wrecks a bathroom at a Subway it is from the Meatball Marinara six inch.
Luckily no other customers were in the store at the time, and terrified employees quickly called police. Once officers arrived they were able to subdue the naked lady and call paramedics who took her to the hospital for evaluation. The franchise owner says that there is significant damage to his store that is going to take a while to fix. Once she is out of the hospital the woman will face felony charges for the destruction. The real crime here is that now the people of East Anchorage, Alaska are going to have to eat at a Quiznos.
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