Music Teacher Arrested For Playing Student’s Skin Flute (Aka SHE HAD SEX WITH HIM)

Christina Lee Funk may have the perfect name for teaching a high school music class, but when it comes to appropriate people to bone she’s pretty far off the mark. The 32-year-old former music teacher at Minnesota’s Henry Sibley High School was recently swept into our latest teacher student sex scandal, after police were alerted to “inappropriate text messages on the boy’s phone that included semi-nude photos of Funk.”

“The student initially denied having sex with Funk, saying it was a “fantasy,” but after a complete search of his cell phone uncovered more inappropriate messages he acknowledged the three instances of sexual contact. One occurred at the high school, another at Funk’s Hennepin County residence and the third in a vehicle in front of the student’s home, according to police.”(via)

Christina Lee Funk was first arrested in late February 2017 on suspicions of possessing child pornography, which in my opinion is a bullshit charge if the underage kid is the one sending you photos. What happens when you get a devious five-year-old with a camera phone who has penchant for playing dress-up in swimsuits? Literally all they have to do is print out a photo of themselves, hide it someplace it’ll get found and then bask in the warm glow of revenge. That’s what babysitter John gets for forcing an early bedtime – a quick night in jail and a permanent spot on the sex offender’s registry.

In other words: I’m never having kids.

Christina Lee Funk: The Downfall

Funk originally told police that any messages between her and the student relating to sex were just a “fantasy,” and denied sending any nude photos. This is a stupid plan, because you know any horny high school kid is going to be savvy enough to back them up for safe keeping somewhere, yet dumb enough to keep them saved on his phone. It’s like Einstein developing the atom bomb, then mixing up the purple toilet bowl cleaner with grape juice.

As for Christina Lee Funk, after resigning from her teaching job she faced a maximum penalty of 15 years in prison along with a $30,000 fine for each of the three felony counts of criminal sexual assault. During her sentencing on Monday, she plead guilty to one count of criminal sexual conduct and got rewarded with only having to spend SIX MONTHS in jail. That’s it – you rape a kid, you get six months. You got a gram of weed in your pocket? Five years — get fucked.

Sometimes the courts are so backwards it makes me want to move somewhere nice where they just shoot you in the street and get it over with. Can we get a little Mexican justice up here?

[H/T Twin Cities]