By now you’re well aware that Toronto, Canada’s largest city, is run by C-list Batman villain and expert Chris Farley impersonator Rob Ford, the mayor who makes Marion Berry look like Rudy Giuliani. Everything Ford has done for about the last year has somehow been more ridiculous than whatever he did previously but for your purposes all you really need to know is that he absolutely, 100% smokes crack, has had discussions with the press about going down on his wife and was once called out to fight the Iron Sheik. For real.
Toronto is having an election soon and Rob Ford is unfathomably seeking re-election despite his past, and how everyday we learn something new about him (for instance, emails have just shown that while he coached highschool football just last year he made players roll in goose poop as punishment and once threatened to beat up a teacher). As insane as the idea of him seeking re-election is, it’s worth noting he’s still number two in the polls. Of all the people in all of Toronto who’d like be mayor, only one person seems to be a better candidate than a guy who smokes crack.
Maybe the reason Rob Ford is so popular is because he’s constantly in the news, like today, as he receives a heavy celebrity endorsement from Iron Mike Tyson. And if you can’t get a little integrity from Mike Tyson, who can you get it from?
Tyson says Ford is the best mayor Toronto has ever had (from a strictly political standpoint, it seems like a lot of people in Toronto don’t agree), but his logic for endorsing him is either insane or brilliant – all of Ford’s problems are public, and isn’t that better than a guy who seems perfect but has all the same problems in private?
While you could argue that knowing all of Ford’s flaws may make him more human, and there’s a degree of openness and honesty about a crack smoking, violent bumbler of a mayor, there’s one fatal flaw in Tyson’s assessment of him and that is this – does anyone know how honest Rob Ford is? For all we know, all this insanity is just the stuff Ford couldn’t keep covered up. As a wealthy and powerful leader of one of North America’s largest city – Toronto is even larger than Chicago and ranks as the 4th largest city on the continent – what if he’s done all kinds of even crazier and more illegal stuff we’ll never know about? What if this is just the stuff he’s cool with us knowing about? At this point, would anyone even be surprised to learn if he ran a pornography ring, cooked up his own meth and sold guns to inner city kids?
If anyone’s in a position to make you question your assessment of a man based on his past, it may very well be Mike Tyson, though. Tyson is a convicted rapist and it’s hard to forget that, but at the same time he really seems to have tried to turn his life around. If a man commits a crime, serves time and then tries to start again, should his past be forgotten? Or at least not held against him as he moves forward? Is it possible rehab fixed Rob Ford and he’s ready to Tommy Boy his way towards a better tomorrow?
No one here is apolitical analyst, all we know is that Rob Ford is kind of hilarious and for some reason, in every photo, he looks like he’s either about to poop or lose his balance, and maybe that’s all Toronto needs in a mayor.