We have a love/hate relationship with the French people. For years they’ve suffered as the butt of many jokes as a result of their involvement in the second world war but they’ also gave us French Toast, French dressing, French onion soup, French kissing and both Jean Claude van Damme and French fries which are actually Belgian but probably wouldn’t have existed without France.
To this day Louisiana still maintains a strong French culture and words like trebuchet, usurp and pew would be all but unknown to us without the French. But today, in 2013, is there anything that links us? And what separates us, beyond the language barrier? The answer is fully encapsulated in this video.
As you can see, French Jennifer Garner and French Elijah Wood are on some kind of talk show. But French Jennifer Garner, unlike our Jennifer Garner, is all draped in wang. This entire video is dedicated to the acknowledgement that she has some kind of bejeweled penis on her neck. And about every 15 seconds it becomes slightly more obscene as she demonstrates a new penile versatility. It has testicles, it seems to have a sparkly goo trail, it gets excited when you lift it and, yes, you can yank the goo trail for full arousal.
Have you ever seen this on an American talk show? Would a guest on Conan ever do this? Actually, maybe. But the difference is it would be a quick joke in a way that seemed more homey and sincere. Because in America, we’re not so serious about our weiner jewelry. And that’s what separates us from the French.