Marijuana Is The New “Razorblade” In Halloween Candy

Everyone loves a good scare on Halloween and nothing puts the fear of being alive into people faster and more efficiently than the evening news. They are constantly bombarding us with teasers for “ways to protect yourself” and warning us “don’t be a victim,” even if the chances of being swindled, robbed or murdered are as good as Van Halen doing a reunion tour with zombie Jimi Hendrix. 

Hey CNN, I’m guessing pot and candy are in pot candy.

Of course, the best way to scare any human being is by going after their kids and ruining their childhood in the process. Back in the day, the evening news used to tell our parents frightening tales about some lone nut putting a razor blade in an apple or a needle in a circus peanut. It was a ludicrous notion because no self-respecting kid would put an apple in their mouth when they have a mountain of delicious candy that they can swim through like Scrooge McDuck diving into his money vault. 

Are dazed and confused Colorado stoners going to give out cannabis infused chocolate this Halloween? Find out at 11!

This time, they have something far scarier than a razor blade to make people think they are hiding in their candy. Now we have states with legal marijuana and THC goodies that some sinister stoner can try and pass off as candy to the young ones. And since there isn’t a grisly murder trial for them to reenact or a dead celebrity that Nancy Grace can convince herself was murdered, CNN cooked up a story about how states like Colorado and Washington are worried about kids getting their hands on THC candy while they are trick or treating this Halloween. 

Don’t worry it’s only for medical purposes you guys! I have a case of the bullshits.

Once again, they raised the eyebrow of awareness and urged parents to keep a close eye on their kids and the candy that are haplessly plunked down in their Trick or Treat buckets. Of course, some police departments are answering concerns that a kid might accidentally mistake a THC edible for a treat on Halloween but they aren’t sending out any “green alerts” or putting up rock blocks around dispensaries or reggae concerts until Halloween is over or anything. 

You’d have to be high to watch this, otherwise it really is evil.

We’re sure that the children of Colorado and Washington have nothing to fear. The very idea of a lone stoner giving away his marijuana stash just to get a couple of his neighborhood kids doesn’t even make any sense. Chances are they won’t even remember that it’s Halloween until the date passes.