Man With World’s Biggest Penis Says It’s Helped Him Have Sex With Celebrities

Women will tell you penis size doesn’t matter, because it doesn’t – it just won’t hurt your chances at all. Most girls aren’t into giant dicks that tear them in half, just the same as no one wants a what amounts to a USB drive getting ejected re-inserted over and over into their vagina. At the end of the day, it’s really all about clicking as two people and being able to communicate effectively — unless you have the world’s biggest penis, in which case apparently people line up just to fuck you.

That’s the case with Jonah Falcon. You see, 47-year-old Jonah is the record holder for having the world’s biggest penis, measuring in at 13.5 inches when hard and nine when soft. “When I’m fully erect, I’m 13 and a half inches with a seven and a half to eight inch diameter,” he explains. “It’s thicker than my wrist.” And while most people could probably ride the big-dick wave all the way to the top of the porn ladder, Jonah wants to be taken seriously as a real “actor.” Sadly, his giant dick has reportedly earned him a reputation among film directors, preventing him from landing any major Hollywood roles.

“It’s handicapped my acting because people won’t hire me,” he tells the Sun Online. “It sucks – it relegates me into doing smaller parts. Maybe in the UK or Germany it might help my acting career, but here in Hollywood it’s a negative.”

Has anyone ever told Jonah that planes exist? Nothing is stopping you from going to the UK or Germany to become a movie star. Shit, there’s companies in Japan that’ll hire you to just sit in the corner and be white. Imagine if you walk into a business meeting and there’s just this naked dude with a giant cock hanging out in the corner; Power. Fucking. MOVE.

Though his film career is lacking, there is one other area where Jonah apparently excels: boning random celebrities. “Yes, I’ve slept with celebrities including Oscar nominees and Oscar winners, but I can’t talk about that,” he teases, only going on to say that “it wasn’t Meryl Streep.”

Yeah no shit – Meryl Streep hasn’t had one of her farts sniffed since before the Revolutionary War started.

And while having a giant celebrity-fucking dick sounds like the ride of your life, there is one other downside: Jonah has to modify his sex positions to avoid penile fracture.

I’d say it myself, but I’ll let Paul Gleason take it away…

[H/T Mirror]