The problem with some crimes is that you end up committing other crimes in order to get out of the initial one. It’s like one of those Russian stacking dolls except the last one has a prison rape theme. A man in Buffalo, N.Y. learned that lesson the hard way when he tried to steal a hearse to frame a drug dealer who had him under his thumb.
Michael Healing stole $11,000 worth of money and drugs from a drug dealer, according to the Buffalo News. The drug dealer kidnapped Healing and ordered him to return the money and the drugs. Instead of just returning the stuff he stole, Healing decided to get back at him with a scheme that even the cockney gangsters from “Snatch” would have called “a bad idea.”
First, he needed to steal a hearse from a funeral parlor. Then he planned to stash the stolen loot in the car and tell the drug dealer that he could pick it up in the hearse. He also planned to tip off the police about the stolen vehicle with the money and the drug inside of it in the hopes that they would also arrest the drug dealer. If you can’t figure out how his little plan fell apart, then you probably thought this whole scheme was a good idea.
Healing stole an empty hearse from a church where a funeral was being held. The director of the funeral parlor reported the theft to police. Healing had also been driving another stolen car that belonged to his mother. So when he showed up a police station and reported the drug dealer and his kidnapping, police started getting suspicious. As soon as someone mentioned something about a stolen “hearse,” he took off running, which is pretty much the international sign for “I’m guilty, officer. Please arrest me.”
Police located the stolen hearse and arrested Healing on auto theft and stolen property possession charges. They probably also thanked him for giving them a good laugh.