Today I am going to try something new; I am going to write a series of bad jokes. You might be asking yourself “how is this different than the normal commentary featured on Break?” Glad you asked. In order to make my terrible jokes go down more easily I encourage you to play along with a new game we call Cheap Shots. For every bad joke I tell I will do a cheap shot of vodka and those of you 21 and over can play along at home- or on the bus. We make a cheap shot and then take a cheap shot as punishment for these crappy jokes! I suggest getting a nice bottle of something from the drug store under $7 dollars if possible. How many did you make it through? Honor system!
Those of you without any booze on hand are just going to have to suffer through this.
For today’s Cheap Shots we go to Allegheny, Pennsylvania where the bomb squad was sent to diffuse a suspected bomb. On Monday Aaron Stein robbed PNC Bank with what he told bank tellers was an explosive device, complete with wires sticking out from under his shirt.
Happy to see these officers.
While a teller forked over a bag of cash, it turns out that instead of a real bomb, Stein had a sex-toy vibrator.
-This isn’t the first time that a vibrator has been involved in a sticky situation.
Police Chief Mark Sumpter told the local news; “It was a makeshift box he made out of a box, black tape, vibrator and cellphone.”
-Well, that certainly is one box that you shouldn’t put a vibrator in.
After taking the cash, Stein sped away in his white Toyota as bank employees called 911.
-Thankfully he left the bank and didn’t use the sex toy to… make a deposit.
Stein was arrested after police noticed his car on the side of the road and stopped him. He confessed to the robbery and told arresting officers that he never had a real bomb, but the bomb squad was called just to be safe.
-He tried to get away with the vibrator hold-up, but now in police custody, he is definitely not getting off.
Luckily he was telling the truth and after a bomb robot was sent to his no actual explosives were found; otherwise this would have been the first time that sparks actually flew from using a vibrator.
Stein was charged with nine felonies including threating to use a weapon of mass destruction.
-Which come to think of it would be a kick ass name for a vibrator!
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Sadly Stein says he robbed the bank because he just lost all of his money on the stock market. So it’s understandable he was upset, but using a vibrator to hold up a bank?
-When he told them to stick ‘em up, hopefully they didn’t take him literally!
Leave your hate comments and/ or original cheap shots below!
Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney