There are many doomed voyages both in the air and on the sea that we look back on and celebrate the courage and the human spirit that persists in each of them. The sinking of Titanic, the lost flight of Amelia Earhart and… the journey of Reza Baluchi, a marathon runner who last Saturday attempted to travel from Miami to Bermuda in a giant human sized hamster ball only to be rescued by the U.S. Coast Guard when he was fatigued by extreme exhaustion. And you thought you were spinning your wheels at work today.
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At first I thought maybe he was just one of those rock stars that likes to crowd surf inside a plastic ball so he doesn’t have to touch his icky fans and he got lost while playing Bonnaroo.
“I would not want to touch anyone who would pay money to see me play.”
Turns out that this boy in a bubble, Baluchi, is an “extreme adventurer” – which I believe means when he’s not trying to surf the ocean he is surfing couches. Baluchi set out in his home made Hydro Pod in which he can run across water using only his arms and legs to propel the giant ball. Run across water? Talk about a Jesus complex!
Grown-Ass Man In A Bubble
While this sounds like something fun you might do for an hour or so while on a seaside vacation, Baluchi thought to himself “how can I turn this into a giant pain in the ass.” Much like those people who go hiking ill prepared into the wilderness and need to be rescued at taxpayer expense; Baluchi got himself in bit of a pickle. He brought with him protein bars, bottled water, a satellite phone and a GPS device for the 1,033 mile trip. The 42 year old man said he was prepared for extreme heat as temperatures inside the bubble could reach 120 degrees. However while only 185 miles from where he started, and in the wrong direction he was forced to turn on his personal locator beacon. The Coast Guard says it had already been receiving reports of a man in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean “disoriented and asking for directions to Bermuda.” I guess someone forgot to fill his hamster bottle.
Always bring enough water when you travel via hamster ball!
When the Coast Guard found him he initially refused to leave his bubble, but they evacuated him via helicopter to the hospital for evaluation. He didn’t want to abandon his bubble and now he’s demanding that the Coast Guard go out and retrieve it from the ocean.
This isn’t the first time Baluchi has set sail in his hamster ball. Video shows a previous attempt where he planned to go from the coast of California to Catalina Island and then to Hawaii. –Which I guess is cheaper than airfare.
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To be fair Baluchi’s heart was in the right place as the whole thing was in an effort to raise money for children in need. However, if he keeps up at his “bubbling” he’s going to be the one that needs charity. Just saying; this is why I keep my fat ass behind a desk. I’ll get in a hamster ball for charity, but I’m not going very far.
Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney