Naked Man is Not Doing Anything Wrong Say Cops

Imagine coming home from a long day of work.  You’re tired, looking forward to relaxing, grabbing a bite to eat, maybe catching a movie on Netflix or whatever, and just chilling out.  And as you approach your house, you see the neighbor, standing in his doorway, naked as the day he was born.  Just standing there.  Just like he’s done every day for at least a decade.  Always naked.  Always standing in the doorway.  Always an old, floppy man.

For most of us, this would be an objectionable scenario.  Let’s be honest, while movie stars and models have a crafted physique, your average man, the kind of man who stands naked in his own doorway for 10 years straight, looks like a potato.  Men are just kind of naturally gross, and without clothes it’s pretty much repulsive.  No offence to anyone, but we all know it’s true.  You want to hang around your buddies naked?   Guys at the factory?  People on the bus?  No sir. Keep those clothes on.

For one neighborhood, this reality is all too real.  Their naked neighbor, for a decade, has consistently stood in the doorway of his home, sometimes on the phone, sometimes just hanging out, bare ass buck wild nekkid.  The neighbors seem to really hate this and have called the police numerous times on the man and each time the police respond to let the neighbors know that you can’t charge a man with indecent exposure if he’s in his own house since you’re basically telling someone they can’t be naked at home.  That’s taking the law too far.

Indecent exposure laws, at least in North Carolina, require you to force someone to look at your goodies outside of your home in public, against their will.  This man is not forcing and is not in public, so he doesn’t meet the requirements. And it shouldn’t!  is it gross to see your old, flappy neighbor’s dong?  Probably.  Do you want your kids seeing it? Of course not.  So what can you do?  Maybe look the other way.  The guy’s house has to be pretty stationary, it can’t be that hard to avoid it.  He can’t make anyone see it, so all those neighbors must be looking on their own.  They know he does it so they should know by now to simply ignore him.  But they’re not. They’re constantly giving him the attention he wants, obviously, so he’s going to keep doing it.

Sure it seems creepy for parents to have this dude in the neighborhood, but there’s no sign he’s ever approached anyone, let alone a kid, in over 10 years, so you can feel confident he’s not a sex offender, he’s an exhibitionist.  You don’t want your kid to see man dong, well, that means your kid can never go to the gym or the public pool dressing room or any number of places in life when we’re forced to endure naked old men.  Are parents away that gym showers generally don’t have a lot of privacy?  We trust each other not to slap asses with wet towels or shoot dongs with rubber bands and keep our eyes to ourselves when there’s a furry old grandpa loping around the gyms caring the rest of us.  These are rare and random instances, but it’s life.  Your kid will see man dong, even girls get to take anatomy classes and learn all the technical terms, you can’t shelter them forever.  Avoid it as much as you can.  And use the opportunity not to make your kid afraid of wang but to teach them that some people in the neighborhood at creepy and should be avoided, even if what they’re doing is OK in a legal sense.