Minnesota Man Arrested For Ejaculating Into Female Coworker's Coffee

PhilHaney by PhilHaney on Sep. 04, 2014

It can be a sticky situation when trying to ignite an office romance. Most would agree there are certain rules of engagement when propositioning a co-worker for a date. However, 34-year-old Minnesota hardware store employee John Lind ignored these unwritten rules and came up with his own clever way of attracting the attention of a lady co-worker. He ejaculated into her coffee. Twice. And four more times on her desk. To be fair it sounds like he was into the desk more than her.

They canceled the episode where Jim left Pam a “present.”

Hey ISIS, let’s make a deal. You get to decapitate all of the infidels you want, but we get to decide which ones. Here is your first candidate!

They say third time’s a charm; and she sure did notice him, when she caught him standing over her desk with his hands on his crotch, turning around and looking at her “like a deer in the headlights.” He told her he just came in her office to ask her a question, but she wasn’t buying it as there was clearly liquid dripping off the desk and onto the floor.  He later admitted to police that he used the woman’s hair scrunchies to swab up his man- mess from the desk. He also said he “knew it was gross and wrong.” Yet he couldn’t help himself.

I’ll Have a Sugar, No Cream.

After staring at a computer for hours, several cups of coffee is the only way I can make it through the day so I can go home and stare at a television. What I’m saying is coffee is sacred, and I can imagine that this pervert ruined it for this woman for the rest of her life. She said she thought her coffee tasted funny several times, but thought it was just coffee creamer gone bad. When the cops told her it was in fact Lind’s semen, she responded “I knew it.”

Next time you suspect someone of jizzing in your Folgers, you might want to mention it. If there is a serial coffee jizzer on the loose – the public needs to know. Just saying.

Lind had approached her with his zipper down many times and she thought about reporting him to HR. Now he faces a possible year in jail and a $4,500 fine for criminal sexual conduct. When he gets out of prison he’ll be looking for a new job. Let’s hope Starbucks isn’t hiring.

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11 comments
Llnkn0wn
Llnkn0wn User

She probably wouldn't have noticed if the guy hadn't cum on her desk.

Jeff-King-545
Jeff-King-545 User

When he gets out of prison, his name will be Shirley.

Bleedingfly
Bleedingfly User

He made a real mess of that One!

whatinitheworld
whatinitheworld User

OK, let me try to understand... he approached her many times with his zipper down and she did not do anything?

Now she is kind of the creep of the story to me, I guess the guy just thought he was getting good response so decided to make things more personal ...

Oscuradinoda
Oscuradinoda User

Idiots hang around with people who blow themselves and their kids up and are surprised by a beheading or two.  Darwin is happy.

prostock101
prostock101 User

Six times??  She needs to marry the dude.......

omni123
omni123 User

@whatinitheworld how many times do I have to hit myself in the head with a bat to bring myself down to your level of thinking?