Today In Brilliance: Man Calls Cops After Not Getting Sex At Strip Club

Thomas Jefferson, Albert Einstein and William McDaniel: What do they have in common? They are all American heroes.

Break Hero, William McDaniel

Mr. McDaniel, a 53-year-old gentleman from Butte, Montana, happened upon Sage Brush Sam’s Exotic Dance Club in the town of Rocker. While there, McDaniel enjoyed entertainment from the dancers, one of whom he paid a generous $350 in exchange for a private dance. For $350, you would expect this story to at least have a happy ending; and so did McDaniel.

Unfortunately, despite paying the hefty sum, he received no, what’s the word I’m looking for? Sex. He received no sex from the stripper, because while she’s allowed to grind all over your business like a dog in heat, prostitution in Butte, Montana is still illegal. And Sage Brush Sam’s is an upstanding gentleman’s club as you can see from this yelp review.

Most men would crawl back home with their tail between their legs after being swindled by a stripper. But not William McDaniel. Instead of giving up, he had the brilliant idea to call the police and complain.

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While many people have called 9-1-1 because their drug money was stolen, or to see if the police could buy them more beer, or to request help while “dying” from the effects of a pot brownie, none have had the foresight and acumen to dial the authorities for being denied sex from a stripper. Until now.

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Stan’s Reviews Sam’s: the greatest strip club that looks like the back room of a Shakey’s Pizza.

The police did respond to his call later that evening, and promptly arrested this martyr for solicitation, booking him for the misdemeanor. He later posted bond on Sunday. The master of smart moves seems to know his way around criminal proceedings, as he already has arrests for DUI and drug possession.

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Very progressive stripping.

McDaniel is an iconoclast, a trend setter, might I say the Steve Jobs of middle-aged men who go to strip clubs hoping to pay for sex. And you really don’t want to see what happens if they mess up his order at McDonalds. Out of curiosity what do you guys think his phone call to the cops sounded like?  It must have been eloquent and refined.

Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney