Man Calls 911 To Complain That His Girlfriend Won’t Have Sex With Him

We’ve seen a lot of these types of stories where some nut calls 911 for some bizarre reason and only a small majority of them have come out of Florida. The latest comes from (wait for it) South Carolina (made you look!) in which a man called 911 because his girlfriend refused to give him a little nookie. 

Patrick Doggett, 53, didn’t try to hide the reason he called 911 when police knocked on his door. He reportedly told police that he called them because “his girlfriend, Ms. Faye Woodruff, would not give him any ass,” according to the police report. That’s the greatest line we’ve ever seen in a police report until police responded to some kind of disturbance call involving a monkey, a keg full of lube and some piece of industrial farming equipment. [

The report:

The girlfriend told police that her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend had been drinking and “didn’t know where he was at” and that she refused to have sex with him because “she had her grandchild with her.” That’s when Doggett grabbed the phone and called the police. Dogged was even standing outside drinking an alcoholic beverage when police pulled up to the house. If this was an episode of “Sherlock,” it would have ended before the opening credits even had a chance to roll. 

Source: The Smoking Gun