Recently we learned about a man in Florida who declared himself and his home an independent country. Now there is a disturbing story about a woman hired to be a live-in nanny who has declared herself a resident in the family’s home – and refuses to leave. Milton from Office Space is this lady’s hero.
If this story took place in Florida, it would be over by now if you know what I mean. That old lady would have died from the heat.
The Upland, California family, Ralph and Marcella Bracamonte have three young children who they hired the live-in nanny to take care of in March of this year. Dianne Stretton agreed to the position; in exchange for room and board in their house. They were probably all imagining Marry Poppins swooping in and making magical pancakes each morning as fairies danced on the kitchen table. Instead they got Kathy Bates from Misery.
She’s also good with children.
According to the Bracomonte’s the first few months worked out fine until the nanny stopped doing any work around the house. So basically it was like everyone else’s first couple of months at a new job; you try really hard at first and then say screw it!
You know what’s missing from this family photo? A crazy lady who won’t leave.
Only with this job Stretton was living with her employer. After weeks of prompting and failing to get her to do her agreed upon duties the 64 year old woman told the family that she had chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, which was stopping her from working. Only it seems like she really has chronic lawsuit disease as the Bracomonte’s found out Stretton has been involved in 36 lawsuits and is listed on California’s Vexatious Litigant List for abusing the legal system. The Nanny from Hell told the family that if they try to fire her she will sue them for elder abuse and wrongful termination.
Oh you just got served! …An eviction notice.
The family called the police to have her removed, but the cops refused to help saying it’s a civil matter and that once someone establishes residency you have to go through a formal eviction process that could takes months. How long does pulmonary disease take to kill someone?
Three young kids living in a house with a clearly mental person who isn’t a family member and won’t leave; it’s a civil matter! The mother told reporters, “I worry there’s obviously something not right in her mind, and the police won’t protect us until someone gets hurt…You don’t know what you’re opening yourself up to when you open your house to someone.”
This brings us to a segment where you, the loyal Break reader get to vote on an “appropriate” punishment for the alleged offender! What should the tactics be to get the woman to leave?
Get That Guy Who Squats In and Steals Homes To Take Over Her Room
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Fight crazy with crazy! You remember this guy Robert Car? He breaks into other people’s homes when they are away, moves all of their stuff out and then files a title for the house, claiming he owns it! Hire this freak to break into the Nanny’s room and do the same thing. Squatter’s rights, bitch!
Psychological Torture: Make Her Listen to “The Nanny” on a Loop
Music “torture” is used on special guests in Guantanamo Bay and places like Iraq by playing loud music such as Metallica or the Barney theme song extremely loudly on a loop. I feel it would be appropriate to put large speakers up against her door and force their nanny to listen to Fran Drescher as The Nanny laughing on a loop. If it’s good enough for Saddam, it’s good enough for her.
New Roommate: Crazy Rhubarb Lady
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Good news for the nanny; she is going to have a new roommate! Nanny, meet Crazy Rhubarb Lady, we think you will get along great. Just be careful to abide by “alley rules,” bitch! And learn that “this is not your fuckin’ property!”
Or the family could get a new pet python. They love old women who don’t move much.
Kick Phil Haney out on Twitter @PhilHaney