Here's A Silly Story About Lindsey Lohan Touching Whitney Houston's Corpse

When it comes to prosecuting rich and famous lawbreakers, the penal system in California is an embarrassing sham. It’s bad enough the look-the-other-way policy of the Hollywood PD has allowed celebrities to walk scot-free time and time again. Now we’re learning that when a star does push their luck far enough to get issued a punishment, it’s a really cool punishment like handling celebrity corpses, for instance.

Back in 2012 (which is like seven years ago in Lohan years), in trade for one of her many DUI offenses, Lindsay Lohan was ordered by the court to work in a morgue. This was actually a genius punishment for her. Animals and children were too risky because there’s a chance she could kill them, and cleaning up trash off the highway would somehow result in a forest fire. Yes, but corpses. Corpses are already dead. What’s the worst she could screw up?

Sadly, to our knowledge, she didn't reenact Weekend at Bernie’s or misplace any bodies. However, she did open up about the experience and reveal that she was made to handle Whitney Houston’s corpse.

In a quote that doesn't make any sense, Lohan bragged, maybe:

[Working in the morgue was] f'd up and inappropriate–because a lot of other people were meant to do it, and they were like: "No, they can't handle it. Lohan can." It's different for me than it would be for other people–like, no one would really have to work at the morgue in LA and roll a body bag for Whitney Houston.

A perfect opportunity for a selfie completely squandered.

My favorite takeaway from that was, "No, they can't handle it. Lohan can."

I imagine her much like Harvey Keitel’s portrayal of The Wolf in Pulp Fiction, except with more slurring and with some kind of fluid crusted in her hair. (Source)