People who love world records and hate their mouths will love this. Sideshow performer Zoe L’Amour broke the world record for the most electric fan blades stopped with her tongue in less then one minute.
One, why would you do this? Two, no seriously, why would you do this? Three, I’m really not kidding. Why would you do this?
The record-breaking feat was filmed for Guinness World Records Italian Show which I assume is a Guinness World Records themed television show based out of Italy (duh). Zoe managed to top the previous record of twenty fan blades in sixty seconds with a new record thirty-two fan blades in sixty seconds. I’m going to remind you that those are thirty-two running fan blades she successfully stopped with her actual, non-modified tongue.
Don’t worry, all of you tongue sticking fan stopping enthusiasts out there, Zoe’s record was immediately beaten by Ashrita Furman, a woman that managed to stop a now record thirty-five fan blades with her tongue.
Guinness, if you were out of record ideas and felt like you had to scrape the bottom of the barrel to fill a television show, you should have asked me. I hold a lot of useless world records that I promise you’ll love. Records like …
Record: Most Times Punched In The Groin While Listening To Weezer’s Blue Album
Record Number: 10
I accidentally broke this record in college. My room mate at the time hated Weezer and he said “If you listen to Weezer’s Blue Album again I’m going to punch you in the groin until you stop.” I called his bluff, and he wailed on my balls with his angry fist ten times before I finally silenced Rivers’ delightful croon. My crotch still hurts whenever I hear “Surf Wax America.”
Most Star Wars Films Watched Simultaneously While On Mescaline
Record Number: 3
Once again, this record just sort of happened. I was watching Star Wars: A New Hope while shoveling handfuls of mescaline into my drug hungry maw when I got the brilliant idea to save time by watching two Star Wars films at once, so with my hands caked with mescaline and trembling with excitement, I put on Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. Now, it might have been that I was tired or it might have been the pumpkin sized hunk of mescaline that I’d eaten, but I figured it would be a good idea to start watching The Phantom Menace while watching the previous two Star Wars films. After that, everything got pretty blurry but I’m mostly sure I fell asleep and then woke up completely naked in a field.
Number Of Times I Coughed And Then The Lights Flickered And I’m Pretty Sure I Caused It
While I was typing this article I coughed and the lights flickered again and I’m pretty sure my cough caused it.
Most Times I’ve Mutter “This Is Stupid” While Watching The Video Of Zoe Breaking The Record For Most Electric Fan Blades Stopped With Just Her Tongue In Less Then One Minute
Record Number: 500
This one should be pretty self-explanatory.