Kirk Cameron is Being Attacked By an Atheist Jihad

Remember Growing Pains?  Remember how Mike Seaver’s best friend’s name was Boner, and Mike was a moron, and Mike spent most of his time trying to pick up chicks in the first several seasons?  And then, when Mike became an adult, his character became even more boring and unlikeable until they finally stopped making the show?  Ahh, the 80s.

Anyway, Kirk Cameron is ever so slightly insane these days.  No, it’s not because he’s a Christian, even though he would argue that’s why I said that.  Fact is, Christianity is the largest religion in the world and certainly the most prevalent in North America.  The odds are most of you reading this are Christian and most of the people who hated Kirk Cameron’s movie “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas” were probably Christian, too.  They just have taste.

Ol’ Kirk, who once took to the internet with a banana to try to prove the existence of God –

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-recently made a Christmas movie that now has the dubious honor of being #1 on the IMDb’s list of the 100 worst films of all time, making it officially the worst movie ever, at least for now. On Rotten Tomatoes, the site that aggregates movie reviews for your convenience, they aggregated a whopping 0% worth of value in Saving Christmas.  Again because not a single critic liked the movie.  Worth noting is that even a number of Christian movie review sites like Crosswalk and give the movie only half assed kudos for having a Christian message while noting the movie, as a whole, kind of sucks.

According to Kirk, his movie sucks not because it sucks, but because we made it suck.  We, who must all be atheists, have conspired against him and his movie that doesn’t suck, to trick people into thinking it sucks.  Here’s the way the movie opens;

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Top drawer entertainment right there!  Nothing beats a big, fake house full of people who clearly don’t know each other and then seasoned with the wooden and unconvincing line delivery of Kirk Cameron.  Good, holiday stuff that is.  Must be a hater’s conspiracy.

So what are the conspirators saying in their dastardly movie reviews?  Let’s check out some highlights!

The Arizona republic gets the ball rolling with this opening line form their review “How do you prove a horse is an animal? Because I like Sweden. That’s the style of absurd logic that happens in “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas,”

The godless Christy Lemire wrote “Didactic dialogue, stiff performances, flat jokes, baffling camera angles, inexplicable editing choices and lighting and sound values that are below those of a high school AV club project — these are the hallmarks of this laughably cheesy production aimed at Christian audiences.”

The review over at TheWrap tossed in this nugget “Had “Saving Christmas” run any longer, Cameron would no doubt have found a way to find the divinity in Frosty, Rudolph, the Grinch, peppermint bark, the Elf on the Shelf, frosted cranberry hand soap and Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo.”

The reviews go on and on like this, basically calling to task the smugness with which Kirk Cameron assures fellow Christians that they, in fact, suck.  If there’s anything about Christmas you, as a Christian, don’t like, from the materialism to the iconography of Santa Claus and trees to the excess and indulgence, well then up yours, because it’s all about Jesus, you moron.  At least, that’s Kirk’s message.  So basically that, coupled with his response to critics, and his history of comments and videos espousing his own beliefs as the best beliefs, shows that Kirk only likes it when you think exactly the way Kirk thinks.  It’s not Christianity so much as Kirk Insanity.

Maybe Howard Stern has some insight into Kirk Cameron for us;

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