ANY RECENT UPDATES ON KIM KARDASHIAN’S SEXY BEHAVIOR?
Kim Kardashian has been driving people all over the world (including Kanye) crazy with her incredible knack for sexy self-promotion. But she’s a mom now, and a married one at that, so you might be forgiven for assuming she’s not Queen of the Nude Instagram Shots anymore. But if you thought Kim Kardashian was winding down after getting married, you’re severely underestimating her penchant for continually being America’s, uh, whatever the sexier version of “sweetheart” is. Just in the last few days (as of this writing), she’s continued to break the internet via her ever-popular Instagram account. Take a look:
The above photo was posted on Instagram with a caption about not having anything to wear – bordering on clever, given the use of black censorship bars in the photo. Also bordering on clever is Twitter jokes like this extremely funny one that made the rounds on Twitter shortly after Kim posted the original photo (one of the hallmarks of being culturally relevant is inspiring parodies and imitations in infinite numbers):
Kardashian was quick to point out that the photo wasn’t a recent one, having been taken during her “blonde phase” several years ago (another sign of cultural influence is being able to take a 12-year-old photo, add black bars and have people lose their minds over it). But luckily for all of us in Kim Kardashian’s world, she posted another nude phot that’s a little more recent:
A photo like that doesn’t really require a clever caption, so Kim gave it a simple “#Liberated” hashtag, which is hard to argue with. That didn’t stop celebrities like Bette Midler and Chloë Grace Moretz from throwing a little bit of shade Kim’s way, which she responded to in a fashion that demonstrates that she’s letting her husband Kanye influence her on social media:
Chloë Grace Moretz wasn’t safe either, with Kim Kardashian claiming on Twitter that “nobody knows” who she is. Arguably not true, but still a pretty harsh burn. Ouch! If I were to put in GIF form, particularly one that makes Kim seem like a fun mischief-maker, it would be this:
Did I do that right? I hope so.
CAN WE EXPECT MORE SEXY KIM KARDASHIAN CONTENT IN THE NEAR FUTURE?
The good news about all this Kim Kardashian controversy, besides from the viewpoint of raising her social media visibility to even higher levels (as impossible as that may sound), is that it clearly demonstrates that not even marriage, family, and two kids are slowing her down in any way.
And for anyone out there who’s still searching the internet for information on Kim Kardashian’s sex tape in 2016, that’s good news. It’s also good news for Kanye West. So just stay parked on Kim Kardashian’s Instagram account right here, because it’s really only a matter of time before she breaks the internet yet again – hopefully not for good, though, since that would be pretty bad for all of our livelihoods.
DOES KIM KARDASHIAN HAVE A SEX TAPE?
I have a feeling that this is one of those “ask a question you already know the answer to” type situations, but on the off chance that you’re somehow not aware of this – yes; Kim Kardashian does have a sex tape. In fact, there’s like an 80% chance that you wouldn’t even know her name if she hadn’t made one, and if it hadn’t gotten released to the public. But perhaps you’re looking for a little background information on the famous Kim Kardashian sex tape …
You Can Checkout The Sex Tape Free Here or Here Or Here. Yes. Free. No One Should Make Money Off Of This. It Wouldn’t Be Right. After All, Kim Kardashian Is The Nicest, Best, Most Smartestish Wife Of Kanye West So Far And Only Cares About Helping Others. Not Making Money Or Spending It Like A Drunken Sailor. Many Sites Charge You To Look At This Stuff. Not Us.
CAN I HAVE A LITTLE BACKGROUND INFORMATION ON THE FAMOUS KIM KARDASHIAN SEX TAPE?
I knew it! And sure, you can have some background info. The whole thing started when Kim Kardashian started dating singer Ray J (who happens to be little brother to Brandy Norwood), and the two decided to make a sex tape. This actually happened back in 2003, which sort of puts Kim and Ray J ahead of their time a little bit, now that practically everyone has a sex tape floating around out there somewhere nowadays. The tape took four years to leak, not hitting the public until 2007. Here’s a still from the sex tape, which has become something of a pop culture icon:
HOW WAS THE TAPE MADE PUBLIC?
That’s actually something of a mystery. It might be hard to realize now, but back in the old, old days of 2003, you couldn’t just hack into the cloud to steal people’s sex tapes and nude photos – some actual physical theft had to take place at some point along the chain of distribution. That basic fact didn’t stop the people at Vivid Entertainment from somehow acquiring the rights to the tape, and to this day it remains their biggest selling product. And naturally, it also didn’t stop Kim Kardashian from filing a lawsuit against Vivid and receiving a $5 million settlement. Some conspiracy theorists have suggested that the tape was made for just such a purpose, but I can see at least one massive crack in that theory – Kim Kardashian was nowhere near famous enough in 2003 (in fact, she wasn’t really famous at all) to assume that a sex tape featuring her would be worth as much money as it turned out to be.
For a surprisingly thorough and informative interview with Kim on the tape itself, click here.
WHAT HAPPENED TO KIM KARDASHIAN FOLLOWING THE SUCCESS OF HER SEX TAPE?
Man oh man, a better question might be to ask what DIDN’T happen to her. In previous eras, a situation like that could have ended a career in the public eye, but Kim Kardashian: Superstar actually made Kim Kardashian just that – a superstar. She curtailed the fame from her sex tape into a reality show gig, tons of big money endorsement contracts, and (indirectly, anyway) marriage to the reigning king of hip-hop, Kanye West. But, given that you’re searching for information on her sex tape, you probably already knew that. Spirals within spirals, that’s what this is.
Recent reports have suggested that Kim might be getting sick of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and she certainly has no financial reason to keep doing something she doesn’t like – not with all of her lucrative endorsement contracts, like the one that produced this:
As you can see in the video above, even a spokesperson gig for a shoe brand like Sketchers doesn’t stop Kim Kardashian from pouring on the sex – I guess some lucky people are just born with that special touch.
IS THERE ANY MORE SEXY KIM KARDASHIAN CONTENT I COULD TAKE A LOOK AT HERE?
Like Paris Hilton before her, Kim Kardashian was unafraid to capitalize on her newfound sex symbol status, which is a status quo that remains in place all the way up to today. So, yeah, there are plenty of sexy pics and video of Kim Kardashian out there, over and above her work in the world of advertising. Like this one, for instance:
That one’s clearly a modeling shot, taken under controlled circumstances. But this next photo shows she can look just as good in candid shots:
I don’t want to give Kardashian’s modeling career a bad reputation though – let’s just say she’s equally adept at both forms of expression in front of the camera. Here’s another shot to prove it, and balance things out:
OK, so this next video is technically an advertisement. It shows Kim Kardashian consuming a certain product, with the aim of the video being that viewers will hope to consume the product as well. But since this is a commercial for a salad at Carl’s Jr., you can be forgiven for forgetting all about fast foods, salads, and any other stray facts that might have crossed your mind while you watch it. It follows the pattern that has been well-established by Carl’s Jr., showing a hot celebrity eating a Carl’s Jr. product in a highly sexually suggestive manner (in fact, it kind of seems like she wants to have sex with the salad). It does break with the formula in that it’s a salad and not a cheeseburger, but Kardashian definitely makes it work:
IS THERE ANYTHING KIM KARDASHIAN WON’T SELL, ENDORSE, LEND HER NAME TO OR OTHERWISE TRY TO EXPLOIT?
Duh. No. Although rumors of her trying to sell Kim Kardashian douche bags were quickly put to rest by Kanye West, who insisted on grabbing that endorsement himself. Strangely, Kanye West Douche Bags are only the second thing you find if you google “Kanye West is a douche bag.”
ARE THERE ANY KIM KARDASHIAN SEX TAPE PARODIES OR SPOOFS OUT THERE?
Like all pop culture phenomena, the Kim Kardashian sex tape has inspired a metric ton of parodies, satires, spoofs, and commentaries since its 2007 premiere. Too many, probably, to list here, but I can give you some of the most high-profile ones.
Beside its use as celebrity pornography, the Kim Kardashian sex tape has a thriving second life as the subject of myriad reaction videos. The basic idea is to take someone who’s never seen the tape before (or, ideally, any sex tape before), and film their reactions as they watch. There are probably a bunch of these out there, but you might as well start with the most entertaining one, starring some grandmas. Here it is:
This being the internet, there are also plenty of lo-fi Kardashian sex tape parodies, like the following one from YouTube personality Jenna Marbles. Take a look:
I guess on that note I’ll include one lesser-known internet parody of the famous sex tape, aptly titled Kim Kardashian Sex Tape (Parody). You’ll never guess how I found it.
ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT KIM KARDASHIAN’S SEX TAPE?
Now that Kim Kardashian is show business royalty, you can expect her sex tape to remain in the public consciousness for a good long while. It will also remain available to the public for at least as long as the internet exists, if not a day or two later. So remember – it’s never too late to join the ongoing global conversation about Kim Kardashian’s sex tape! And if you’re thinking about making and releasing your own sex tape to give your reality TV career just the jolt it’s been waiting for, you should probably keep in mind that that kind of thing is unlikely to work more than once, unless you happen to be famous already (or somehow related to Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner….whatever happened to him? He’s barely in the media anymore….).
WAIT, WHAT ABOUT THE RUMOR THAT RAY J PEED ON HER AT THE END OF THE TAPE? IS THAT TRUE, FALSE, OR JUST PLAIN GROSS?
The answer is kind of all of the above. Ray J claimed to have peed on her “like a waterfall” but then said he was kidding. Clearly, the man is a giant of humor and it’s obvious why he writes for The New Yorker. So, we don’t really know. No such pee pee vidoes have emerged as of yet, but fear not, once they do, you’ll know about it.
Here’s what Kim herself had to say on the topic. “I heard rumors of things as degrading and disgusting as a golden shower, like absolutely ridiculous things that never even happened in my lifetime, so I didn’t think that what everybody was talking about had any truth to it.”