Kentucky Inmate Dies Eating Cellmate’s Drug Soaked Underpants

Getting the “Kentucky Underpants” sounds like a funny euphemism for a gross sex act. It’s not. It’s a lot worse.

A prison inmate in ‘tucky is being charged with his cellmate’s murder because he gave him a bite of his drug soaked undies. That’s horrible! Hopefully there weren’t any dingle berries on them.

Has Bart Simpson been a methadone addict this whole time?

Michael Jones, who was locked up in a Jessamine County prison, was recently allowed a furlough – a brief time away from jail – so he could attended a funeral. While out of the big house, Jones had a brilliant idea: He soaked his underpants in liquid methadone in order to smuggle the contraband back into prison. Crazy Eyes would be proud.

[[contentId: 2753316| ]]

Why couldn’t you guys just make Jenkem like normal prisoners?

Being the nice guy that he  is, Jones shared his drug laden underoos with his cellmate, Corey McQueary. In a sad twist, after eating Jones’ shorts, Mr. McQueary died of a methadone overdose. What makes the tragic death even worse is the fact that McQueary was very close to finding a cure for cancer,,, probably.

Great. We’ve always had meth heads, but now we have to worry about methadone buttholes?

[[contentId: 2753317| ]]

Does Eating An Old Man’s Underwear To Get High Count For The Darwin Awards?

A representative from the prison, Jon Sallee, told the local news that it was hard to detect the smuggled drugs since he was willing to go so far to get them inside,

“Contraband is a constant problem at any facility across the state,” Sallee said. “You can do everything that you can do, you know strip searches, not allowed to bring anything such as books or any other paraphernalia into the facility,”

Time out.

[[contentId: 2753318| ]]

Did he just say “not allowed to bring anything such as BOOKS or any other paraphernalia into the facility…” Books? Yeah, books are what you have to worry about the inmates bringing into the facility. Maybe if you had let them have books they wouldn’t be soaking their old farts catchers in drugs and eating them to get high!

Drink Prison Wine With Phil Haney On Twitter @PhilHaney