College Spends $219 Thousand Dollars On A Table

The next time the G 8 Summit of world leaders kicks Russia out and are looking for a new place to meet, they need look no further than Kean University in New Jersey. That’s because the good people in charge of Kean decided that what their institution of learning needed is a conference table that costs $219 thousand dollars. Some students and community members are angry at the purchase.  Why couldn’t they be a normal college and spend that on the football team? Nerds.

The table makes you pancakes and gives everyone an HJ.

Even if you think this is a huge waste of money for a small, public university you have to admit that the table is awesome. In response to the outrage administrators defended the purchase of the table from a Chinese company, touting all the benefits it will have;

“Functioning as a piece of high-tech equipment rather than a static furniture item, the 22-foot, circular, mixed-media conference center includes an intelligent conferencing system with the ability to connect people at up to 25 locations around the world for remote conference calls and to record meetings. The center’s table reflects the artistry and history of the region where our China campus, Wenzhou-Kean University, is located.”

The natural lighting lets college administrators see how big their giant balls really are.

Wow, a meeting of the United Nations would feel right at home with this slick table. That, or the meeting that takes place in the intro to every alien invasion / disaster movie where military leaders sit around and discus the imminent threat to humanity. This is way better than buying a normal table and a flat screen TV with a web camera. The most entertaining part of this table will be some professor spending the first twenty minutes of every meeting trying to figure out how all this high tech stuff works.

Obama is pissed Keane made his table look hella weak. “Get me that table!”

The president of the college says that the table is all part of his strategic plan to elevate Keane and “provide a global experience for students” who will be able to use the table and get experience for the modern high tech workplace. Fancy. Also the college plans to rent the space out for about $900 bucks a day so the table will pay for itself. That’s how amazing this table is!

This is the purpose most tables in college have.

As most people who went to college will tell you, your school doesn’t seem to think that the crap load of tuition money you gave them was good enough.  Colleges and universities constantly call, email and send letters to their alumni asking for all sorts of financial donations even if you are still paying off your student loans. While the merits of a higher education can be debated, once you graduate from college your school’s alumni association will hound you not unlike the mafia who says you “still owe them money” even though you already gave them your and your parents life savings. Or simply colleges act like your child who grew up, yet still asks for rent money because …they went to a crappy college which they gave all their money and can’t get a job.

So what do you guys think? Was this an OK decision for a public college to buy such a lavish table? Or should they have duct taped some Ikea furniture together and hung an iPad-mini on the end of it?  

Source: Gawker

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