Meet America’s Biggest Criminal (at 625lbs)

Ian-Fortey by Ian-Fortey on Jul. 31, 2014

Jeffery Allen Klein is one big, bad dude.  Less bad than big, but still bad as he has a history of crappy behavior.  You know, driving with missing or defective equipment on his vehicle and also calling in bomb threats to the trailer park where he lives when they make him angry.  He’s no Al Capone, more of an Al Calzone (caution, this article may contain low-brow fat jokes).

Bring me Solo! Ha ha ha.

Now normally we’d be sensitive to the plight of a morbidly obese man of 650lbs who’s said to be bedridden in a trailer, that’s our core audience, but Klein is a bit of a shady fellow and he’s trying to use his weight as an excuse to get out of things, like court dates for the various felonies he has a habit of committing.  His lawyer argues he’s bedridden and the cost of moving him to court would be around $3000, not to mention what it might cost the state to house him in prison.  See, Klein’s bomb threat was his fourth felony and while the bomb threat alone carries a max four year sentence, the fact that it now qualifies him with habitual offender status just bumped him up to 15 years.  Uh oh!  Biggie Smalls wasn’t counting on that.

On his way to court to face these charges, Klein was said to have “fallen ill” more than once and has doctor’s notes which indicate he has a variety of obesity-related illness from OCPD to diabetes.  Problem is, for a bedridden guy who has to stay in a specially-made 5 foot across bed, he sure does get outside to commit felonies an awful lot.  Not to mention he somehow moved from one town to another on his own without the state cutting him and his giant bed out of his trailer.

Pictured: Klein's dog

For two years now, Klein has been dodging court – 2 years! – all as a result of his size and the various excuses he can come up with.  Warrants have been issued for his arrest due to numerous missed court dates but you have to assume local cops can’t fit him in the back of a squad car so no one is in a rush to pick the man up anyway.  No one is probably in a rush when this guy’s involved no matter what as he found a way to game the system simply by being huge.

9 times out of 10 you might be inclined to be sympathetic to a man with obvious and serious health concerns but remember, he called in a bomb threat because his trailer park management gave him some fines he doesn’t like.  And that was his 4th felony, who knows what else the big fella’s been up to that he then tried to weasel out of with the excuse he can’t get out of his moon-sized bed.  No, Mr. Klein isn’t a good person and, enormous or not, he should have a chance to shed a few pounds on a prison diet since the judge gave both defense and prosecution until this Friday to figure out a way to resolve this case.

Barbara J Sherrick
Barbara J Sherrick

They'd still have to find a way to haul him to prison and then... oh no... he'd never fit on one of those prison beds! I'm overweight but have no sympathy for the man.

Steve McFarland
Steve McFarland

They can do televised court, send police to his place with a video camera and he can have his lawyer there with him or in the Court room.

f1sher User

build a prison around him, generally just put a bench in front of him and he wont be able to overcome it

Dennis Diaz
Dennis Diaz

So he says his weight keeps him from going to court, But I bet you its not a problem for him to show up at K.F.C or McDonalds....Would you like fries with

Destiny Emery
Destiny Emery

Pff hahaha that guy is f***ing huge XD I may be fat for my age, but thank god I'm not that huge. I'm at least going to the gym to lose the weight. This fat criminal just wants to kill himself by eating more.

Howie Feltersnatch
Howie Feltersnatch

if he's too fat to show up to court, maybe court should show up to him. Kick in his door, serve him search warrant papers, and tell him to call a lawyer because, "we ain't going anywhere."

Brandon Gladfelter
Brandon Gladfelter

M&M's,,,, well worth the weight in prison!! (no pun intended...)

James Fulton
James Fulton

By being that massive he's already costing the world a fortune. Thank goodness you yanks make people pay for healthcare, in the uk he'd probably get bariatric surgery, a house and disability income.

Michael Yarnott
Michael Yarnott

He was able to phone a bomb threat as easily as he could order dominos

HyperCubeMD User

I am sure the authorities have some "undercover"' guys that could eliminate the problem.

whatinitheworld UserTop Commenter

Easy, make it illegal to restaurants to do delivery for him, only carrots and kale, that will be worst than jail for this fat walrus.

Steve58547579475 User

Break cant work out how a fatty who lives in a trailer moved town without being cut out of it. I think the clue is in the word "trailer".

Amber-Bandicoot-9 User

I think he's a flight risk. Yup. As soon as anti-gravity power is discovered, he's GONE.

grandiloquent User

good.  prison will help him with his obesity.  hurry up and convict!

LawnBuffalo User

Do they still have labor prison camps? They should send him to one of those, he'll thank them when he gets out.

And "specially-made 5 foot across bed"... My bed is wider than that, almost 7'. It's a standard king size bed.  5' isn't very impressive at all.

Billyraymontana User

Break's core audience is ebaumsworld users who are waiting for a new feech

COHockey User

@LawnBuffalo We have a bed snob here folks! Maybe it has a hydraulic lift and walls to keep the fat in so he doesn't stretch out.