Meet America’s Biggest Criminal (at 625lbs)

Jeffery Allen Klein is one big, bad dude.  Less bad than big, but still bad as he has a history of crappy behavior.  You know, driving with missing or defective equipment on his vehicle and also calling in bomb threats to the trailer park where he lives when they make him angry.  He’s no Al Capone, more of an Al Calzone (caution, this article may contain low-brow fat jokes).

Bring me Solo! Ha ha ha.

Now normally we’d be sensitive to the plight of a morbidly obese man of 650lbs who’s said to be bedridden in a trailer, that’s our core audience, but Klein is a bit of a shady fellow and he’s trying to use his weight as an excuse to get out of things, like court dates for the various felonies he has a habit of committing.  His lawyer argues he’s bedridden and the cost of moving him to court would be around $3000, not to mention what it might cost the state to house him in prison.  See, Klein’s bomb threat was his fourth felony and while the bomb threat alone carries a max four year sentence, the fact that it now qualifies him with habitual offender status just bumped him up to 15 years.  Uh oh!  Biggie Smalls wasn’t counting on that.

On his way to court to face these charges, Klein was said to have “fallen ill” more than once and has doctor’s notes which indicate he has a variety of obesity-related illness from OCPD to diabetes.  Problem is, for a bedridden guy who has to stay in a specially-made 5 foot across bed, he sure does get outside to commit felonies an awful lot.  Not to mention he somehow moved from one town to another on his own without the state cutting him and his giant bed out of his trailer.

Pictured: Klein's dog

For two years now, Klein has been dodging court – 2 years! – all as a result of his size and the various excuses he can come up with.  Warrants have been issued for his arrest due to numerous missed court dates but you have to assume local cops can’t fit him in the back of a squad car so no one is in a rush to pick the man up anyway.  No one is probably in a rush when this guy’s involved no matter what as he found a way to game the system simply by being huge.

9 times out of 10 you might be inclined to be sympathetic to a man with obvious and serious health concerns but remember, he called in a bomb threat because his trailer park management gave him some fines he doesn’t like.  And that was his 4th felony, who knows what else the big fella’s been up to that he then tried to weasel out of with the excuse he can’t get out of his moon-sized bed.  No, Mr. Klein isn’t a good person and, enormous or not, he should have a chance to shed a few pounds on a prison diet since the judge gave both defense and prosecution until this Friday to figure out a way to resolve this case.