A Few Reasons Why James Franco Needs To Go Away (At Least For A While)

Todd-Spence by Todd-Spence on May. 03, 2014

Most sites seem to be in a tizzy over James Franco's recent Instagram picture of him pulling down his man-shorts, but let's just take a step back from this whole thing and call him what he is.  A pretentious hack.  We'll get to the Instagram later.

Don't get me wrong, he's a fine actor.  I enjoyed 127 Hours.  I enjoyed Pineapple Express.  But now Franco has taken his success and status, and has almost become a caricature, labeling himself as an "artist" simply because he can get books published and paintings in a gallery, regardless of whether they're actually good or not.  I swear, if I hear the guy say "my art" one more time, I'm gonna lose it.

So here's a few reasons why the guy just needs to go away (at least for a while).

1. James Franco The Painter

His paintings are...okay.  Trust me, you could do a lot better.  But it's not just the fact that Franco is calling himself "a painter" or getting these very sub-par pieces in galleries.  It's because he's a plagiarist.

Christopher Schulz originally created these great sketches of Seth Rogen nude, which Franco then blatantly ripped off.  Here's Schulz's sketch:

And here's Franco's original painting, which went to the OHWOW Gallery in Los Angeles.  Notice the lack of credit to the original artist's work.

Meanwhile Christopher Schulz is eating a two-day old sandwich.

2. James Franco The Author

"BOOKS - got Em all?"  Hemingway's ghost just rolled his eyes.

Here's an excerpt from Franco's book A California Childhood: "Two summers ago on a trip to Japan I was introduced to a man who influenced me to take art seriously. Up until then I had no resolve to do so. … I take it for serious for I know in the future it may be the mode by which I express myself."  That's some brilliant writing, and I demand 5 more similar books just like it.

To put this one in perspective, Gone With The Wind was originally rejected by 38 publishers.  Dune by Frank Herbert was rejected by 23 publishers. Carrie by Stephen King was rejected by 30 publishers before King eventually threw it in the trash, only to have his wife fish it out.  I only wish Franco had to really fight to get a book seen.

"I hate when it's just about me, me, me," he writes. "But then again, I am pretty much about me." - from Actors Anonymous.  Glad he made that clear.

8 Cringe-Worthy Examples Of James Franco's Writing

3. James Franco The Teacher

"I wear glasses to look shmart!"

With these grand-dad clothes combined, he becomes...a UCLA teacher!  He has time to paint, write AND teach??  Is he anyone that really should teach anyone anything, let alone a class at UCLA about screenplays?  What it comes down to is there are more educated and deserving teachers who could actually teach students something worthwhile instead of the actor who played the Wizard of Oz in the terrible version.

Franco recently said in an interview: "One of the reasons teaching is so great is that it forces me to take attention off myself."  I'm not entirely sure if one should teach just because it takes focus off themselves instead of, say, wanting to educate people, but hey, what do I know. 

4. James Franco The Instagram Perv

Remember when Franco picked up a 17-year-old girl off Instagram?  Since that information came out a month ago, I was waiting to hear it was a promotional stunt for his new movie, but according to his Howard Stern interview from April 30th, it still very much happened. 

I'm just surprised he didn't pull a Pete Townshend and say it was for research. Now that's a real pro-perv move.

So I think it's time for Franco to just go away for a while, a time-out if you will.  Maybe choose one hobby that he enjoys and actually perfect that hobby instead of bouncing from thing to thing just so you can call yourself an artist.  Because really no one else is.