Is This Even Music? Seriously. Is it?

If the Spice Girls and the Pussycat Dolls got together, decided to adopt, and ended up with latina and asian kids who would spend the rest of their lives trying to live up to the reputations of their parents but always doomed to fail– those kids would be Lupe Fuentes & The Ex-Girlfriends. Check out their latest video and let us know how far you make it through the video in the comments.

Here’s what how far you made it through the video says about you. If you stopped at:

:00 – 1:00: You have great taste. Even the promise of latin and asian booty isn’t enough to make you sit through this junk. You have better things to do with your life. We’ll see you after you’ve cured cancer.

1:00 – 1:30: You have weird priorities. Lupe Fuentes’ boobs are far less interesting to you than the pasty white guy’s crotch was. Congratulations?

1:30 – 1:45: You’re a rap afficianadoYou must have been exposed to hip hop at least once before! Even with the most limited knowledge of rap, you know this isn’t it. 

2:00 – 2:15: You’re a music purist. You love music more than gyrating chicks who are almost dancing. Dubstep and Autotune? No thanks!

2:30 – 3:00: You’re a discerning viral video viewer. You’ve compared the amount of time the women were dancing to the amount of time dedicated to the weird b-boy and the white guy and decided that this video isn’t going to be worth your time. On to a video of some guy getting hit in the nuts!

3:00 – 5:24: We’re sorry. Your hearing and sight are sufficiently impaired such that this video would have zero effect on you. That must be such a struggle for you. Our thoughts and prayers are with you, buddy.

5:25: Your dedication to Lupe Fuentes is a little scary. She’s not going to have sex with you. She’s just not. And having seen her entire body of work isn’t going to change that. Wait… are you opening a new tab to go to her Facebook page to leave a comment about the video?!?! STOP IT! SHE’S NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!

– Earnest

Follow me @earnestp once you’ve made it through this video.