Lately, if you’ve been on Break at night, you’ve been seeing the “After Dark” label floating around. After Dark is our playground-- it’s where we put edgy, sexy, and just plain weird videos. You know why? Because Joe Nine-To-Five may love a video of a dude getting kicked in the nuts, but maybe he’s not ready to see radishes moaning when a woman caresses them. Why? Well, maybe because Joe Nine-To-Five was brought up in an environment where radish molestation (radishes can’t consent!) wasn’t discussed at the dinner table. Well, regardless of how Joe Nine-To-Five feels, we’re going to continue to push the envelope with After Dark, and our newest feature is going to push After Dark to its limits. Ladies and Gents-- but mainly the gents--we present the teaser for Break’s newest series, Apt. 4.
“Dear Break, I work from 9 until 5, and when I get home, I’d like to see videos of nearly-naked women being tastefully photographed in a nondescript apartment. I’d like there to be a soundtrack of electronic dance music, and I’d like to think that the girls are safe though I never get a chance to see the photographer, who could be a real skeez. Sincerely, Joe Nine-To-Five”
Wow! Well, you’re in luck, Joe Nine-To-Five! You sound a lot like the other guys at Break, and we think you’re all going to enjoy our new series Apt. 4. It’s us giving you want you want, and it’s going to happen on Break, every Thursday, from 6:00 PM to 6:00 AM (Pacific Time).
“Dear Break, Thank you for the speedy response. Here’s another issue. I’m still on AOL dial-up. How quickly will I be able to download the sexiness? Sincerely-- and somewhat embarrassed, Joe Nine-To-Five.”
Well, Joe. This is high quality footage-- not some NSFW GIFs you could find on Reddit. I’m going to recommend that you go to a friend’s house to watch the video. Now, believe us, it’s going to get weird. Anytime you watch sexy videos like this with your friends, it gets weird. It got weird for us in the office. The key is to avoid eye contact, and after a while things should get back to normal.
Apt. 4 will be launching Valentine’s Night, and that’s no accident. Valentine’s Day is the day you give the people you care about gifts, and this is our gift to you. If you’re too busy to watch that night due to Valentine’s-related sexiness, don’t worry. We’re going to have a new episode ready every Thursday night on Break After Dark.
“Dear Break, I’d like to come clean about some things I did to radishes. IT WASN'T CONSENSUAL, BUT IT WAS ALL IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE! Sincerely, Joe Nine-To-Five”
We’ve forwarded your email to the FDA, Joe.
WATCH APT. 4, Thursday's on Break After Dark, starting Valentine's Night!