Ever wondered what a boner is worth? Probably not a question that come sup often in your life, especially not if you’re looking to place a literal dollar value on the thing, either. How do you decide? And in what context would it have any value? Are you that good at sexings? Is it just really nice to look at and you could charge admission? Does it do tricks? These are hard hard on questions.
If you’re former inmate Rodney Cotton, your erection is worth a meaty $750,000. Pretty impressive, huh? And hey, maybe yours is worth that much, too, but you probably won’t like what you have to do to get it.
Cotton, a former resident of the New York corrections system, was on Risperdal for bi-polar disorder. Risperdal has a grab bag of completely ridiculous side effects including inability to move eyes, mask-like face, worm-like movements of the tongue, aggression, unusual bleeding, uncontrollable chewing and, yes, long-lived and unwanted erections. Cotton’s unwanted erection was a 6 day affair and you do not want to have a 6 day erection because it’s pretty much going to be the end of your erection-having abilities.
For the week he was good to go, Cotton couldn’t even wear pants and had trouble walking, as apparently it was a rager. Prison officials only gave him Tylenol and ice packs and basically told him to walk it off. This was after two doctors in the prison infirmary took a look. Finally, after his own mother had to intervene with the prison, and he was sent to a 3rd doctor who didn’t get his degree from the internet. This doctor had Cotton sent immediately to surgery but it was too late to repair the extensive damage the swelling had already caused. Surgery finally ended the erection but at that point he had lost the ability to ever maintain one again and he was so badly damaged even the normally used prosthetics would not work.
To someone make this situation worse, after the surgery, Cotton was stitched up and sent back to prison. He was told he had dissolving stitches and not to worry but obviously Cotton’s got some bad kind of luck. The stitches did not dissolve and instead became embedded in his penis as it healed. When they finally were removed, no one bothered to give him anesthetic, either. Rodney Cotton had one of the worst prison stays ever.
He sued for about $10 million but recently settled for $750,000 so no actual trial will occur. Cotton says he’d rather have his manhood back instead of the money and honestly, this is probably one of the few cases when you can believe a guy who says he’d give up tons of cash.
So let this be a lesson to the rest of us, 6 days is too many days to have an erection. In fact, that 4 hour mark they warn you about in Viagra commercials is probably a good benchmark for danger. If 4 hours passes, you’re going to want to find yourself a qualified doctor.