Incest? There’s An App For That!

Ian-Fortey by Ian-Fortey on Apr. 18, 2013

These guys are sick of cousin-humping.

Have you heard of Iceland?  It’s famous for Vikings and Bjork.  It’s also infamous for having a population of 320,000 people, all of whom are related.  Seems that everyone in Iceland can trace their roots back to the same Viking grog house which on the one hand is cool but on the other, grosser hand makes dating a real issue.  If everyone is related, how exactly do you hook up with anyone in a way that isn’t traumatic?

Turns out incest isn’t a huge concern amongst the Icelandic people so long as it’s not super incest, or mega incest, or whatever you might like to call it when you really, really sleep with a relative.  When you hook up with a distant relative, odds are they’re far enough removed that you can happily shower together without feeling shame.  To facilitate this beautiful union, Icelandic people can now take advantage of the islendingabok.is database of all the people in Iceland in an easy to use app form!

All Icelandic people are related to Bjork.  Terrifying.

Simply hook up with your potential long-lost mother at the bar and then just bump your smart phones together and the app will determine how closely related you are.  From there it’s a decision between two consenting adults about what constitutes “too close” or “too sober.”  What an age we live in!

9 comments
Sedge-Noob-dad-168
Sedge-Noob-dad-168

DEERRRRP U SAY WEER ALL HUMANS?? NO WAAAII. You moron - of course our ancestral line shrinks. So does every ancestral line of every species. You're a goddamn scientist, now aren't you?

jake604
jake604

Mathematically, the whole world is related. You have 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8, great grandparents. If you go back far enough, your family tree contains more people than have ever existed. So we all must have common ancestors, we are all related, we wouldn't be here if not for a little incest!

onasphere
onasphere

I thought the incest app was called "The Holy Bible". Lots of it in there.

onasphere
onasphere User

I thought the incest app was called "The Holy Bible". Lots of it in there.

Sedge-Noob-dad-168
Sedge-Noob-dad-168 User

DEERRRRP U SAY WEER ALL HUMANS?? NO WAAAII. You moron - of course our ancestral line shrinks. So does every ancestral line of every species. You're a goddamn scientist, now aren't you?