Who’s Hungry For Bloody Veggie Burgers?

Finally, vegetarians can savor the thrill of having their food bleed into their mouth. All thanks to Impossible Foods, the startup that is giving non-meat eaters exactly what they want — non-meat that looks, tastes, and bleeds like meat.

Biochemist Patrick Brown, along with a team of engineers and scientists and definitely not a league of immortal witch doctors in case that’s something you might have heard about, have been experimenting with different ways to make “plant blood” ooze from a veggie burger as cow’s blood would from a beef burger.  People with degrees are doing this.  In reality.


Having raised $75 million in venture capitol from people like Bill Gates and assorted wealthy vampires, Impossible Foods has been outfitted with a lab where  technicians blast the smells of cooked meat in each others face all day, similar to the Break offices after a night of heavy drinking.


They then dissect the smells and figure out how to infuse plant proteins with the aroma. The result is a patty that releases oils as it is cooked which produce the smell of cooked meat. Scientists are still searching for a way for the vegetables to bellow and panic when they realize they are being lead to slaughter.


Aimed at both vegetarians and meat eaters, it remains to be seen if there is much demand for bleeding veggie burgers. If popularized, the practice will certainly have a positive impact on the environment and be a step in the right direction for climate change. However, it will hurt the cattle-driving industry and those guys have guns.  Guns that can make you bleed.  But will they even know if they hit you or just a pack of veggie burgers?  The rabbit hole goes deep on this one, friends.

Science gone mad!

Finally, there is a question of the science itself. I think this is how blobs are created. Those things can wipe out a small town in under twenty-four hours. The good news is, if it bleeds we can kill it.