Nightmare Casting: If Hollywood Re-Made Star Wars (8 Photoshops)

With The Force Awakens opening this weekend, it’s really only a matter of time til the Star Wars spinoffs fail to entertain us in the coming years and Disney decides to just roll the dice and totally reboot the entire franchise. Seriously, it will happen. So here are some nightmarish casting choices that we hope to never see in our lifetime…but probably will.

1. Luke Skywalker played by Owen Wilson

Who knew a Jedi could say “Wooooow” so many times.

2. Han Solo played by Nicolas Cage

This wouldn’t be too bad if it were meant to be a straight to VHS (yes, VHS) movie but Star Wars deserves more than that.


3. Princess Leia played by Ellen Page

It’s amazing how much indie music exists in the galaxy when Ellen Page is playing the princess.

4. Yoda played by Billy Bob Thornton

Star Wars fans hate CGI and puppeteering seems to be a totally lost art, so might as well get a decent, but frail actor to play Luke’s guide through the force. Also Yoda stops down to play some country/rock so they can relax.

5. Chewbacca played by Shaquille O’Neal

The best part about this one is we don’t actually have to HEAR him act.

6. Obi-Wan Kenobi played by Charlie Sheen

We’ve totally run out of classically trained actors like Sir Alec Guiness and since Sir Anthony Hopkins is just way too damn old to do that much combat, Charlie Sheen it is. He did win a TV Land award afterall.

7. Lando Calrissian played by Curtis Jackson (50 Cent)

Hollywood needs someone as smooth as Billy Dee Williams to play Lando. And much like Obi Wan, those actors just don’t exist and Curtis Jackson would probably be the only “actor” to take a paycut. It’d be our luck that he’d be the only one not allergic to the mustache glue.

8. Darth Vader played by Dwayne Johnson

This one we actually wouldn’t mind, although The Rock isn’t gonna die THAT easily. Instead he just leaps back to life, strangles Luke and drives a Humvee into space. *spoiler!