Ice Cream Trucks Are Driving New Yorkers Insane

When you think of all the problems that probably plague New York – crime, different crime, worse crime, Bronx accents, you probably wouldn’t rate the presence of ice cream trucks too highly, barring the obvious supposition that we’re talking about an ice cream truck that’s being driven by a serial killer. Well, this story isn’t about a serial killing ice cream salesman.  It’s just about serial jackass ice cream salesmen.

Over the last year, New Yorkers have lodged nearly 2000 complaints just about ice cream trucks.  The nature of some of the complaints seems pretty sketchy, too.  Like this one;

“Loud noise while parked, year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year after year…”

That’s the sign of a 100% insane man.  And if you have to listen to Turkey in the Straw for 3 hours street every day you’d probably go that insane, too.

Some residents clam the ice cream trucks are selling drugs, but most don’t seem to care what’s actually being sold, it’s the fact that they blare the same god-forsaken music over and over again, every single day, without end.  This may also be the reason you figured the guy in the ice cream truck was a serial killer, because you’d probably turn to murder yourself if you had to spend 8 hours a day haunted by that music.

According to official complaints that were lodged with New York’s 311 system, which seems to exist to deal with BS complaints about nuisances, the music of ice cream trucks has been described as an “unrelenting demonic jingle,”  “insane and loud as f#%*”  and caused one resident to wish the Department of Environmental Protection, whose job it is to ticket vendors who violate noise regulations “hell on Earth.”  The noise of ice cream trucks is so bad this man wished that the fiery realm of pain and hopelessness that serves as home to heaven’s most prideful angel who turned his back on his own Creator, the source of all existence, and was cast out to never know goodness or happiness again upon a government agency.  That guy must really hate Turkey in the Straw.

The DEP says it gave out about 21 tickets in 2014, down from 31 in 2013 which they feel means more ice cream trucks must be following the rules, since less tickets are being given out.  Residents don’t feel the same, hence the aforementioned hell on Earth and demonic jingle remarks.

According to others who try to deal with the issue themselves, most New York ice cream vendors are exactly the kinds of people you expect them to be and, when asked nicely to turn the music down, will tell you to blow them and crank it up louder.  Ahhh, New York in the Springtime.

So anyway, if you’re looking for a peaceful place to slowly go insane, why not try New York in the warm weather?  Seems to be ruining everyone else’s life.