Howard Stern's "Dry P*ssy" Eulogy Of Joan Rivers Was Appropriately Inappropriate

When Joan Rivers died last week due to complications from a routine, minor surgery, my first thought was that life is not fair. Mostly because I knew her funeral was going to be a bash and there’s no way I was going to be invited to attend. So, I followed the coverage and received the updates and grew more bummed to learn that Howard Stern would be delivering the eulogy that was sure to be a classic. Assuming he didn't trot out any farting clown dwarves.

He didn't disappoint. Margaret Cho shared a piece of Stern’s eulogy on her blog.

In the morose silence Howard Stern said, “Joan Rivers had a dry pussy.”

At first, the words just hung there, as no one knew exactly what to do. Of course I started laughing hysterically, and everyone else, remembering who we were there to honor, followed suit. Howard Stern actually choked back tears as he continued – “Joan’s pussy was so dry it was like a sponge – so that when she got in the bathtub – whooooosh – all the water would get absorbed in there! Joan said that if Whitney Houston had as dry a pussy as Joan’s, she would still be alive today…”

Nervous about doing Joan justice, Stern spoke about reaching out to Louis C.K. for advice.

“I didn't want to say the wrong thing,” Stern said. “I was in touch with Louis C.K. and he said, ‘You know, Joan really deserves a great send off. He said something very profound. He said, ‘Joan was like an aunt or a best friend who could make everything better.’ Even in times after say 9/11 or the country just seems to be going down or things just seem to be bad, when she would crack a joke … you didn't feel so alone.”

Here, here. That’s an excellent legacy. Let’s remember Joan Rivers as a fixer, a friend, and a cultural fixture. And also for having a pussy so dry you couldn't eat her out without a can of Pam. (Source)