How To Use A Squat Toilet

Break.com Staff by Break.com Staff on Jan. 10, 2013

Are you aware of squat toilets?  They’re almost unheard of in North America, but fairly common throughout Asia and the Middle East.  Basically, it’s a hole in the ground that you squat over to do your business.  It may have textured spots on either side for your feet to help you keep a grip.  You just assume the position and go.  But is it as easy as all that?  Let’s check out this handy video.

If you’re heading to a bathroom in a mall, you know the ritual you have to perform when you get there.  You look in the first stall and, depending on just how ghetto your mall is, you may need to check the next one or two stalls to compare filth.  You don’t want the stall with the toilet that hasn’t been flushed this month, or with a deuce resting on the seat.  You need to find the cleanest one, then you need to clean the seat and cover it no matter how clear it already looks.  And after all of that you may still want to hover, just in case. 

You never let your shoelaces drag on the ground in a public bathroom.  You try not to touch the walls and door latches as often as possible.  And if the water in the bowl splashes back at you, you may as well go right home because your whole day is immediately ruined. Now imagine how removing the toilet compounds all the dangers you face in a bathroom.

A squat toilet forces you to worry about the aim of the previous occupant.  You have to pull your pants down, but not that far or else they’ll touch the floor.  You have to balance.  Imagine the terror of being slightly off kilter in mid poop and just losing everything, tangled in your own pant legs as you fall to the floor of a squat stall.  You also have to bring your own toilet paper because apparently it’s not provided.  But it’s worth noting that you can’t flush that paper either.  And if you forget it, a lot of bathrooms provide a bucket.  So you can just wash your ass with your hand. 

Basically, a squat toilet is a potentially terrifying experience that may result in you having piss covered pants and a poop hand.  On the other hand (the one not covered in poop), your Western toilet may be a graffiti-ridden nightmare of human tragedy as well.  But it’s at least worth knowing how to use both should you ever find yourself stuck.

22 comments
spike7
spike7

Actually these toliets are found in rest of world besides America. Its nice to have seats but asshole americans piss all over the seats anyways

Dockavorkian
Dockavorkian

Welcome to break.com. Where nothing works and never gets fixed.

MeatWave
MeatWave

I would much prefer this style of toilet, way more sanitary. I wouldn't have to worry about the 5000 sweaty asses that have used the toilet before me.

Jeffry-Veld-190
Jeffry-Veld-190

They also have them in France, when i was there on vacation as young kid, i was like, wtf is this...

Malcolm-Tent-504
Malcolm-Tent-504

Now you know why the Orient is often referred to as a "shithole".

Matt-O-Brien-389
Matt-O-Brien-389

In Vietnam I accidentally took a shit in someones fresh water tank.. the only hole I could see was a plug hole in the floor, turns out I was in their shower not the toilet..

Dramist1
Dramist1

There is a reason we call a toilet a throne in North America. Interestingly enough, squatting while shitting is better for your bowels and encourages a healthier digestive system.

IBHowe
IBHowe

That's just plain nasty.

BigredC
BigredC

In a lot of countries the bathrooms in homes don't have toilet paper either. They use rags, and each person has their own rag. When you go in the bathroom you see their rags ganging here and there. God, I'm glad I live in the USA.

RobJVM
RobJVM

I had a Serb friend tell about Kosovo and Albanian muslims with the "bucket to wash their asses with their fingers" and I thought he was just a bigot. (not that this is exclusively Muslims apparently but... wow)

Hoofster
Hoofster

It's fockers like these that shite on the seats in North America.

Colton-Andrew-221
Colton-Andrew-221

Can i be the first to claim first? I've never gotta claim my right of firstness...

kmoutray
kmoutray

I saw those in Italy, and Greece

SASChii
SASChii

what about the 3 sea shells?

D1BonGo
D1BonGo

you hold two seashells like chopsticks, pull gently and scrape what’s left with the third

Justin-Lee-806
Justin-Lee-806

No you don't you curse and tickets come out then you wipe with that :)

smoke1383
smoke1383

I wish I could give you five thumbs up for that demolition man reference...well done sir, well done