Hey, gang. I’m Mark Potts. I’m one of your beloved Break editors. I’ve always wanted an iPad, but I’ve never wanted to pay for one. As you know, they cost a lot of money. While I do get paid well working for Break, I just don’t have the extra funds for one (most of my money goes to the Cristal I purchase and pour on all the super hot Break groupies).
An artistic interpretation of what I look like.
So my boss decided he’d give me an iPad– on one condition: I had to do something you, the lovely and nice Break audience, wanted me to do. We will video the winning suggestion and share it to the world… If I go through with it.
In the comments, tell me what I should do to get an iPad. The idea with the most upvotes is what I must do in order to get the iPad I so much desire.
However, there are a few ground rules.
1. No Semen – You can’t suggest I drink, snort, chug, intake through my ass, or any other method of getting semen inside of me. As fun as it sounds, we want to keep this classy. Actually, you know what…
2. No Bodily Fluids – This prevents you from suggesting “give yourself an enema with horse piss.”
3. I Can’t Kill Myself – As much as “kill yourself” sounds tempting, I want to actually enjoy the iPad. This also means you can’t say “Enjoy the iPad, then kill yourself” because that’s cheating the ground rule.
4. I Can’t Quit My Job – If I quit, you guys wouldn’t get a lot of the comments you just love. I don’t want you guys to suffer just so I can be happy with an iPad.
5. Nothing That Will Get Me Arrested – I’d rather not go to jail. Not because I’m afraid of jail or having a record, but because I don’t know if Break will pay my bail.
So suggest away! Try to be creative and fun– not dickish for dickish sake. We have ONE WEEK to make my dreams come true, so get to suggesting. Also, I’ll be in the comments responding to some of your suggestions if I need clarification, more details, or think you’re a terrible person.
Remember: I love you all. Maybe suggest that I do something like take a day off or get massaged by a hot chick. Those would be fun for us all!
Follow me on twitter to see when I actually do the crap you vote for. Or to read my hilarious tweets. Or my unfunny tweets. Which are which? It’s a mystery!