Hot Cakes Are Not Selling Like Hot Cakes?

You’re aware of hot cakes, right?  They’re pancakes, or flapjacks, or griddle cakes or possibly even Johnny cakes.  For ages they’ve been the gold standard for something doing quite well on the open market.  If you can sell something well, it’s selling like hot cakes.  We all know that.  It’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.

BusinessWeek, in their finite wisdom, has decided to ruin hot cakes for everyone.  According to their research Americans only spend $1.16 per year on pancake mix.  This basically means “selling like hotcakes” is total BS.  Hotcakes don’t sell for crap.

On the other hand, Businessweek has neglected to include the awesome power of IHOP, Denny’s and Waffle House in their figurings.  Of course no one buys pancake mix, who makes their own pancakes?  This isn’t the Depression. 

In 2013 IHOP racked up a solid $2.77 billion in sales.   Waffle House had just over $1 billion, and Denny’s has sales of around $2.4 billion, and we’re just going to say a solid $1 billion was from Grand Slams (that’s likely grossly inaccurate, but what do I know?).  All things being equal, Americans drop about $4 billion at those restaurant chains alone for breakfast.  I’ll go so far as to suggest we can double that to account for every breakfast purchased everywhere in a year.  $8 billion.  Unscientific?  Yes.  But potentially true!

Working with my made up numbers that are inspired by real numbers, that means Americans spend about $25.31 per person on pancakes per year.  Plus that $1.16 that Businessweek figured, so $26.47.  Now you could argue that my Denny’s number is grossly inaccurate and that people go to Waffle House and IHOP to occasionally buy waffles or beverages.  Whatever.  The point of this exercise is just to suggest that Businessweek grossly overstepped their bounds by suggesting hot cakes are not selling like hot cakes.  IHOP is the number 21 restaurant chain in America by sales.  Hot cakes sell like a mofo no matter what Businessweek says.  In fact, their $1.16 figure just reinforces this.  People love pancakes so much they’re willing to go out of their way to buy one of those terrible boxes of instant pancake mix to try to replicate their goodness at home, even though they’re never as good and never slathered in the right kind of syrup or insane fruit that IHOP puts on to basically turn your pseudo-breakfast into a giant, ice cream sundae that you can pretend is a healthy meal.

Bottom line:  America loves hot cakes.  Businessweek is a commie, pinko rag.