Breaking Bad Fan Non-Fiction: High School Teacher Attempts Meth Manufacture

Am I the only person disappointed that Mr. White never actually tried meth on Breaking Bad? Imagine how someone who already has the focus and productivity of Walter White would function on meth. Okay, actually I’m imagining it right now, and instead of working he’s just sitting in a chair watching internet porn and trying to get erect for ten straight hours.

Anyway, some former high school science teacher in New Mexico just got busted for being a lot like Walter White, with the major difference being that he got busted.

John W. Gose, 56, taught science for eight-and-a-half years before moving to Jesse Pinkman’s home state, probably because Breaking Bad had taught him that there would be a thriving market there should he choose to make meth.

Which he did indeed choose…until cops pulled him over last year and discovered a Styrofoam ice chest containing glassware, rubber tubing, and the chemicals needed to make meth, and since those chemicals fit in a cooler, I’m going to guess it wasn’t one of those giant metal drums of “precursor” Walter used to boost, meaning this guy was probably doing it the redneck way with boxes of Sudafed and broken-off match tips.

Cops then searched his home and found more equipment and supplies, which they estimate would have a street value of $44,800.

WOULD HAVE.

Because according to this follow-up story, despire pleading guilty to all charges on Tuesday, the guy never actually managed to make any damn meth. Gose is seriously claiming the whole ordeal was intended as an “intellectual experience” and he wasn’t going to sell it even if he managed to whip up a batch or five thousand.

See, this is why everyone in prison is innocent.

Don’t do meth, Breakers. Sure, it feels amazing and is a good value and lasts forever and can help you lose weight, but do you really want to ingest something made in a “lab” that looks like this:



When Adderall is made in labs that look like THIS?!

 

Before you pay for that teenth of tweak, remember that it was probably brewed using this:

or this:

which leads to a whole lotta this:

and this:

So even if you don't care about the health issues, consider the environment.

Please drink instead.