Guy With The Weirdest Name Ever Caught Stealing Sex Toy

For today in “Hey, I’m not doing that bad with my life”- we go to Chicago where a 44 year-old man was arrested after getting caught stealing a sex toy. When he was asked to sign his Miranda rights consent form, he signed it “Obama Is A Criminal.” Hey buddy, haven’t you ever heard the expression: “People with glass dildos shouldn’t throw stones?”

“Really Break?”

Employees of the sex shop alerted local police when they spotted the man calling himself “Obama Is A Criminal” with one of their Euphoria G-Spot Delight vibrator’s stuffed down his pants. An employee told cops that she had noticed “a large bulge in his trousers.” Valued at $48 they weren’t about to let him just make off with the merchandize. Hopefully the store has a no returns policy.

Pictured: Mr. “Obama Is A Criminal”

When an officer arrived on the scene he apprehended the suspect and asked him what he had stuffed in his pants. He replied “my penis.” After a quick search as detailed in part of the arrest report below when the cop searched him he found the vibrator under his boxers. The officer asked him “how that got there?’ and the thief replied “I have no idea’= which to be fair we have all been there, just minding your own business and WHOOPS! A giant sex toy is wedged in your boxers, right fellas?!


He went on to ask the officer if he wanted to see the tattoo of a cherry on his penis, which I’m assuming was his way of smoothing things over with the cop. “Obama Is A Criminal” was later identified as Christopher Hucko. Hucko didn’t stop with his criticism of the president and when he was in a police holding cell stripped completely naked refusing to put his cloths back on while screaming “derogatory comments” about Obama.

This gets everyone worked up about Obama.

In addition to the G Spot Delight Hucko was also in possession of some weed and a pipe; so was charged with retail theft, possession of cannabis and possession of drug paraphernalia. This guy sure is creative; the last time he was arrested he was charged with trying to drive home one of those electric scooters that fat people at Walmart ride in. Thanks Obama!

Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney

Source: The Smoking Gun