Guy’s Giant Dick Piercing Ends In Embarrassing One Night Stand Fail

Do whatever you want with your body, just remember that a few years down the line and you might not enjoy that butterfly tattoo the same as you do now. Puppy tramp stamp at 18? Trashy, but ok. Puppy tramp stamp at 81? Most people mistake it for a Jabba the Hutt tattoo or ask what made you decide to get a muddled poop emoji tatted on your back. Either way, a good idea at 18 will not necessarily remain a good idea later in life.

Enter: Redditor sheerpariah, a guy who decided to get Prince Albert dick piercing when he was 16. What is a Prince Albert dick piercing, you ask? We can’t show you precisely because we’re not allowed to post full nudity on the site and, well…do you really wanna look at pictures of dicks in your free time? I don’t think so. Barring you doing a Google search on your own, this is the best we can show you:

Got the idea now?

According to sheerpariah, the ring he had jabbed through his dick was 1/8” in diameter and ever since he removed it the hole has remained. This means that he has to plug both holes in the head of his dick when he has to pee, otherwise he can wind up peeing backwards or in other weird directions.

Thursday was a prime example of this.

Thursday night, I had a Tinder "date" and because /r/iamverybadass we ended up at her apartment. (heavy sarcasm. She just needed a lay the same as me.)

Now, being the romantical type that I certainly am (and having been too drunk and leaving my car at the bar) I didn't immediately dash out on m'lady.

I woke at around 3 and proceeded to answer the other call of nature. Now, at this point I can make any number of excuses: it was cold, I'm a grower not a shower, fear of toilet lobsters...whatever. Fact is my dingaling was more "ding" no "aling" and was shriveled like a stack of dimes.

Sheerpariah pees, and then retires back to bed with his Tinder date. A few hours later, however, he’s woken up to the sound of Tinder in the bathroom – and it’s not pretty:

 I jumped up and ran in and this poor woman is legs up on her back giggity in a puddle of my hours old urine. My shriveled winkie didn't have any dangle and I urinated straight out the front of the toilet and had no clue.

It gets better.

She is injured. This nice lady, who just wanted to get off (one upside is she did :) is now like a turtle on her back in a strange man's urine in her own home. Urine that she thinks is water from a leaky toilet. Really, would you have corrected her? Anyway, I just dropped her back off at home from the hospital. She had only a minor rotator. I know full well though that she will...probably already has...find out what that was.

Honestly, I would be more ticked about the trip to the hospital than the puddle of piss on the floor…but then again, I suppose the two couldn’t exist without the other. Something tells me there won’t be a second date, regardless of whether or not he manages to plug it up next time.