Guy Quits His Job By Filming Himself Trashing Boss’ Office And Popping Champagne On Floor

We’ve all had that job where all you wanted to do was kick your boss in the dick and walk out like a hoss. Sadly, being alive requires money, which is a real scam considering no one ever asked me whether or not I wanted to be alive in the first place. Yet one sell-side analyst appears to be living his best life, as he just became the most recent guy to embrace his dreams by absolutely trashing his workplace before saying “Fuck y’all, I’m out.”

Guy Quits His Job By Filming Himself Trashing Boss’ Office

So on one hand, I totally support this guy and the fact that we don’t know the whole story; all we know is that this dude is pissed and he quit. For all we know he could’ve been the office asshole and his final straw was being told to stop rubbing his dick all over the office coffee filters, but because we like to put our faith in heroes instead of assholes, we’re going to assume this guy is totally justified (in reality he quit because he thought he was underpaid – yeah, him and everybody else on this planet.)

There’s only one point that I gotta disagree with…

Guy Quits His Job By Filming Himself Trashing Boss’ Office: White Claw Edition

…bruh that is a WHITE CLAW SELTZER. First of all, those things are delicious if you are a woman, but drinking one as a dude will give you ball cancer. That’s not a fact, I just think men who drink what amounts to a flavored vodka soda are pussies. But ignoring how this dude just outed himself as a massive bitch, he went and put the can IN THE AQUARIUM.

Guy Quits His Job By Filming Himself Trashing Boss’ Office: Fuck Your Goldfish

Look dude, I get hating those fucking paper straws that turn to mush within 45 minutes of using them. Really, I do. It’s honestly making me want to go out and strangle some turtles with 6-pack rings, but you know what? I haven’t. Not just because I’m about three hours away from the coast and have no idea how to find a sea turtle, but because I’m not a fucking asshole; I take my paper straws and smile like I give a fuck about saving the turtles. Because that’s what you’re supposed to do when it comes to the environment – smile no matter how much of a trivial inconvenience being marginally less-shitty to the earth is.

But this dude? I’m out here eating paper mush because the turtles are throwing a fit and he’s murdering aquarium animals. AQUARIUM ANIMALS. These pieces of shit are meant to live until you get sick of having an aquarium, and y’all are out here killing them too? If I have to start drinking and eating exclusively out of paper products whenever I go out, I’mma shove a plastic straw up this fucker’s nose and see how he likes it.

[H/T NY Post]