New York City is a popular spot for a lot of recent college graduates, but unless you’re making about $80,000 a year the city is a bit of a shithole. In the summer it smells like trash and piss, and god forbid you walk at a decent pace because of all the fucking tourists who crowd the sidewalks. I was making $36,000 when I first got there, and had to live about a mile below the gentrification line in Brooklyn; tolls going home and back were about $40 each way, and god forbid you open your wallet to find you’re $2 short for the $15 toll at the Lincoln Tunnel. But while 21-year-old me was too shortsighted to stop at an ATM for cash while driving up north, aspiring comedian Scott Holt figured out a way to avoid tolls: paddleboard across the Hudson River.
Guy In Suit Paddleboards Across Hudson River: Meet Scott Holt
And why the fuck not? Crossing into NYC costs $15 via the Holland or Lincoln tunnels, plus it’s summer – it’s probably not that hot on the water, and NYC isn’t the humidity-laden swamp the DC is. “I was just trying to get to my meeting,” Holt told the New York Post. “I didn’t wanna pay for the toll. I’m a starving artist, so I had the board and just kind of popped on and went.”
With briefcase in hand and wearing a full suit, Scott paddled across the Hudson on Thursday in about 30 minutes despite choppy waters and rough wind. “I stupidly didn’t bring a leash or a lifejacket, so if a wave took the board, then I just would’ve been stuck out there drowning in a suit,” he explained. “That’s the worst way to drown – dressed up.”
“I didn’t really know where I was going. I was just aiming in that [Manhattan] direction.”
“I was trying to get towards a spot I could get on and off quickly, and then the current started to pick up and I was like ‘Oh fuck, I gotta get out of here quick.’ Any port in the storm, you know?”
Guy In Suit Paddleboards Across Hudson River: It Actually Works!
Scott eventually made it to Manhattan’s shore, pulling up to a closed water taxi dock where a bewildered police officer was waiting for him. “He was just more confused than anything,” Scott recalls. “He didn’t know what to do with me. I was like, ‘Hey man, do you want me to go somewhere else? I don’t want to come out here and be arrested.”
Shockingly, Scott managed to stay dry during his entire commute, though his dress shoes reportedly had a slight “squish” to them. As for his meeting, it didn’t go quite as successfully as the commute:
“I was trying to meet a manager to represent me to be a comedian, but that meeting didn’t go as well as the commute,” Holt lamented. “So I’m still on the market for a manager.”
Guy In Suit Paddleboards Across Hudson River: Will He Do It Again?
And while Scott doesn’t have any immediate plans to paddle to work again, he hasn’t dismissed the idea entirely. “I’m not going to rule it out,” he said. “I made it there dry!”