When They Say Planet Fitness Is A ‘Judgment Free Zone’ But You Get Arrested For Exercising Naked

There are thousands, if not millions of better ways to put this, but why aim for tact when there’s no nice way to put it: Planet Fitness is a gym made to keep you fat. The equipment is cheap and only goes up to a certain weight, plus they have weekly pizza nights where whatever slice you grab on your way out equates to twice the number of calories you just burned. Basically, you only pay for a Planet Fitness membership if you are homeless and need a place to shower for $10 a month, or if you’re 34-year-old Eric Stagno.

And that’s not to say Eric Stagno isn’t homeless either – judging from that photo the dude’s been living in a yurt since 1994. Yet Stagno was able to wander into civilization long enough to get himself arrested, as the Massachusetts man  recently made headlines for getting freaky at a Planet Fitness. Specifically, he ripped off his clothes and started baring his asshole for everybody else over at the yoga mats. Daily Mail reports that witnesses said Stagno “walked in, stripped down right there in front, left the clothes and belongings at the front desk, walked back and forth across the gym a couple of time and then settled in over at the yoga mats.”

Is there any less considerate of a place to rub your bare nuts than a gym yoga mat? My face gets up close and personal with those on a regular basis anytime I put myself down for a nap after a strenuous 15 minutes of cardio; I don’t need a bonus pube drifting  into my mouth should I  yawn particularly wide.

When police arrived at the Planet Fitness in question (the Plaistow, New Hampshire location, if you’re looking for someplace to actively avoid), they reportedly found Stagno is a “yoga-type pose,” which is an awfully nice way to say he was rubbing his gooch all over the resistance bands. I don’t have a problem with people being naked, but you have to be sanitary about it too.

Not everybody is as free lovin’ as I am though, as gym member Kat Lancaster told WMUR “To me, it’s like, ‘What did you smoke before you came to the gym? No, I don’t think you should be at the gym naked.” Fellow gym patron Tony Nachef took it a step further and said “That’s not right at all. Why would you do that? People are uncomfortable. Makes you uncomfortable. That’s weird.”

Jeez, what a bunch of fucking prudes up in Plaistow, New Hampshire. If you don’t like Eric Stagno’s asshole, then stop looking at it. No one is forcing you to gawk at the accident on the side of the highway, so why the fuck are you forcing yourself to watch this train wreck? Some people are too uptight, which is funny considering this story is about someone who could use a few sticks shoved up his asshole to get him functioning properly in society again.

As for our free baller in question, Eric was arrested and charged with indecent exposure/lewdness and disorderly conduct. He was released on a $1,000 bail, and is scheduled to appear in court on September 21st.

[H/T Daily Mail]