Someone Finally Put The Dark Goriness Back Into Grimm's Fairy Tales

Today's kids have it way too easy. They get to hear the sweet, cuddly versions of princesses living happily ever after, but the original Brothers Grimm stories are dark enough to make the creators of the "Saw" movies question whether or not we live in a just and fair world. A German professor from the University of Minnesota translated the original versions of Grimms' stories and found that they are much darker than even your twisted brain could imagine. 

This is one of the actual illustrations from a translation of the Brothers Grimm story "How Some Children Played at Slaughtering." Remake that, Disney.  

Princeton University Press published a new translation of the original fairy tales written by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm back in 1812 that includes some dark images and gory details that were taken out to please some of their most pious readers of the time. 

Keepin' it real.

The translations include some new stories that you may not have heard about before such as "How the Children Played at Slaughtering" in which a jovial group of young boys pretend to be a butcher and a pig and one boy cuts his younger brother's throat causing his mother to stab him in the heart. We're sure that Disney could do a movie version if they found the right songwriter for the musical interludes. 

We can't imagine Danny Kaye describing Rapnuzel's sex scene or maybe we just don't want to. 

They also included some very adult updates to such classic tales as "Rapunzel" that now has the long haired maiden talking about the "merry time" she had in the tower with the prince... after which she doesn't understand how she got pregnant. They also found some dark details in "Snow White" about how her own mother, not the evil queen, orders the huntsman to track her down, "stab her to death and bring me back her lungs and liver as proof of your deed. After that, I'll cook them with salt and eat them." 

That's just not right. Liver is already packed with sodium.