Full disclosure: you could not pay me to sleep with any of the Uber drivers I’ve had. I’m not saying they’ve all been beat as hell or facially challenged in the beauty department, but for whatever reason 99% of them are incapable of following GPS directions to my house. I live on Dickinson, and they always wind up three blocks down the road on Langafield. Like, bruh…any of y’all ever actually read what street you’re on instead of blindly following the nice lady who tells you when to turn left? Apparently not. If you can’t find my house, even with help, how can I expect you to find my g-spot? Yeah, I don’t think so.
Oh, and the 1% who’ve actually found my place on the first try? They all happen to be fucking ugly. What a bummer.
Twitter user KelliAmirah, on the other hand, isn’t as unlucky as I am. Residing in Washington DC, Kelli says it all started when her Uber driver picked her up on Saturday night:
Already this is 500x more work than it’s worth. For the sake of the story I’ll go along with Kelli and believe that this driver is Chris Hemsworth in a Prius, but — actually, I take that back. If this dude is legitimately THAT hot, complete with an Australian accent and dimples that won’t quit, she’s got my full support. Only problem is that she should’ve just asked him out in the first place and not concocted this stupid phone charger plan:
Oh well. You win some, you lose some.
Have you ever tried hitting on a cab/Uber driver? Let us know in the comments!