German Advisory Board Recommends Making Incest Legal

While Germany might be referred to as “The Fatherland,” now they might want to change it to “The Sisterland.” That’s because the German Ethics Council made recommendations to the German government to reverse anti-incest laws, effectively making it OK to do the nasty with your sister. They claim that while it is socially taboo, the government should not criminalize things simply because they are a taboo. In other words, they don’t think you should be put in jail for taking your sister to town. You can’t arrest people just because “that’s nasty.” Well, you know what they say; *“There might be other fish in the sea, but my sister is the one for me!”  *No one says that.

It’s always a family reunion at this couple’s home.

The Cousin kissin’ recommendation stems from the case of a famous German incestuous brother- sister couple, Patrick Stuebing who met his half-sister Susan Karolewski when he was 24 and she was 16. The pair have been a romantic couple since 2001 and have had four children together, two of whom are severely physically and mentally disabled. Sister shtupping Stuebing has already been in jail multiple times on incest charges. This kind of reminds me of Romeo and Juliet, if The Montagues and Capulets were all related and the entire world thought it was gross and wrong.   

Our family tree is stumpy.

The council said in a 90 page report: “The right of adult siblings to sexual self-determination in a consensual relationship weighs heavier in these cases than the abstract good of the family.” Why go down the street, when you can go down the hall?

Time Out.

In the number one example cited as to why they should make incest legal, the relationship already produced two disabled children. Another one of their children was born with a heart condition requiring a heart transplant.  Nein! So how did they come to the conclusion that incest wasn’t harmful? Is “Big Incest” paying off the German Ethics Council? Because that’s the only thing that makes sense here!  Seriously check their bank accounts.  I think old Stuebing here was slipping a few Euros to the council when he wasn’t slipping it to his sister.

For their part it sounds like lawmakers in Germany aren’t going to be legalizing brotherly lovin’ anytime soon.  One even said it might “send the wrong signal.”

The Ethics Council in all their wisdom also recommended that parents and children still not be allowed to have sex with each other. So that’s going to be a boring Mother’s Day for some people.

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Think these people are messed up, right? Jokes on you, because you could be boning your cousin! Well, probably not a “cousin” that is very closely related anyway.  Writer A.J. Jacobs has created a project called The Global Family Reunion that aims to create the world’s largest family tree, possibly mapping how everyone in the world is related. You can go to the website and add your information to find out where you fit on the global family tree. Turns out you could be realted to J-Lo or George Bush. Cool!  However, the side effect of this is that you can discover that your wife or husband is really a 9th or 10th cousin. While being that distantly related by blood is in no way incest it could still be weird to jump in the sack with your honey and say “what’s up cous’!”

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