Game Boy turned 25 today just in case you felt like feeling a lot older than you already did, and to celebrate let's examine some of the most inaccurate Game Boy ads ever put out. Take this "girl tied up on a bed" ad for example:
THE NEW GAME BOY POCKET. SERIOUSLY DISTRACTING. Listen, it's not THAT distracting. I'm not entirely sure of what the story is here with this sex crime, but it seems that this willing older woman (I assume she's willing unless the brute force of a 14-year-old was enough to dis-robe her against her will) was prepared to rid of that kid's virginity, yet Game Boy will have us believe that if you are in the midst of your harsh, unrelenting puberty, you would actually rather play with a Game Boy than go to town with this woman. The best part is she's clearly not happy about his choice. That's gotta burn.
GRAPHICS SO REAL, YOU'LL FORGET IT'S ONLY A GAME. Yeaaaaaah I don't think so. Even for it's time, Game Boy couldn't even compare to Nintendo but that didn't stop the ad men from fibbing a little with this one. According to that kid's face, the ad should've read "Graphics so real, you'll shit yourself."
KEEPING IT PORTABLE WAS TOUGH...UNTIL NOW. Oddly enough the left picture looks more convenient (albeit a little embelished) than that massive tank of a case. The case alone probably weighs 15 lbs, judging by his right lean. And you mean to tell me he can't fit one more game into that pocket, so he had no choice but to put it in his mouth? You got a back pocket, don't ya? What ever happened to throwing the Game Boy and parts into your school back pack. If you were a smart kid in the 90's, you wouldn't be caught carrying that purse.
JUST DON'T SMILE WHEN THEY SAY YOU'RE GROUNDED... "...because parents aren't smart enough to take away your Game Boy priveledges as well." Is the idea here that you are grounded so you aren't allowed to play Super Nintendo OR watch TV, but the Game Boy is allowed? They'll throw that thing into your Game Boy purse so fast, you won't know what just happened. The best part is the How-To tutorial on how you should act when you get grounded. "Act like it's punishment", well it IS punishment if your family is off to go see Jurassic Park and you're stuck in your room, Game Boy or not.
THERE'S A NUBY-KID IN TOWN. And that Nuby-Kid is a real asshole. I remember the kid that had all of those cool new parts to their gaming system, the carrying case, the magnifying viewfinder, all of the stuff that you thought would make you cooler to have than the rest of us, but it didn't. It made you a big asshole. If you even HAD a Game Boy, you knew your were lucky enough to have just that. Also, it's funny to think the "Before Nuby Accessories" kid is actually the cooler kid between the two by today's standards. The glasses, slacks, dress shoes, it has all come full circle for the Before Nuby Kid. God bless him.