Fact is most of us have to have a job at some point in our lives and that’s just sad. Who wants to work for the man? The man sucks. Why do you suck, man?
Along with day to day tasks at any given job, assuming your boss is the kind of person who follows laws and wants you to not die, you’re going to have workplace safety protocols. Or, you know, just signs like these. In order to facilitate your workplace experience, let us interpret things for you.
A little worse for the wear, this sign has obviously been needed for years to remind you and fellow employees that it is never OK to shoot someone’s butt full of compressed air. While it will be hilarious for about 30 seconds, it will blow your victim’s insides out of their face and kill them.
Overly cautious? No, overly reasonable. Both stairs and ramps will destroy you. Best to just stay where you are and avoid this area forever.
This is 80% warning and 20% hint. Do you want to give a mutual handy to that other guy at work who looks just like you? Maybe you do, but if you do, remember that you don’t need to wash your hands first because what’s the difference? But if you don’t, then yes, wash up. Don’t be gross.
This is self explanatory. Be courteous at the office Christmas party.
Feeling peckish? For god’s sake, go to a food truck or, in a bind, steal a co-worker’s lunch from the fridge. Never eat the sharp plants. They are sharp. They’ll shank you.
If you don’t have a job right now, this may seem silly to you but every single human who isn’t disgusting has run afoul of this problem once they find employment – just how do you deuce at work? It’s never a good experience. Prepare yourself accordingly.
Continuing our last point, you can see the good people of Canada have very clearly explained how to manage the workplace poo issue. When in doubt, try using a bathroom instead of shitting on a lettuce field. Is that your lettuce?
When things get really complicated, for instance if a workplace sign is trying to tell you more than one thing that makes your brain feel fuzzy, remember to cal Todd. Todd will fix it if you poop in the lettuce or kill a guy with a ramp. Todd’s always there for you.