7 Macy’s Day Parade Floats The Internet Would Rather See On Thanksgiving

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade is a yearly tradition some are brave enough to wake up early to watch. But if those responsible for the iconic parade actually had things we cared about as adults instead of a bunch of cartoon characters, maybe more people would wake up early to watch! Enough Snoopy is all I’m saying.

Here are 7 ideas for new floats that we would like to see Macy’s take on for this year’s parade.

7. Nicki Minaj’s Butt

Not only would the parade’s ratings spike, but the entire crowd watching on the street’s of New York would react the same way the New Yorker’s reacted in Ghostbusters when the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man appeared to destroy the city. Also, no hot air needed, this thing would bring its own.

6. Facebook’s Upcoming Dislike Button

The upcoming (seriously, it is coming, right?) Dislike button for Facebook is like a Christmas present we’ve all been waiting for. And since it’s Thanksgiving, let’s give thanks to Facebook for finally giving us what we want. The downside however is all of your old relatives screaming at the TV “What the hell is that?!”

5. The Post-Thanksgiving Dinner Pants Unzip

The best part of Thanksgiving isn’t the food, it’s that orgasmic feeling you get when you’re so stuffed, you have to not only unbutton your pants, but also unzip them to release the tension. We’ve all done it, now let’s acknowledge it with a damn float.

4. Shia LaBeouf’s Head

After Shia LaBeouf held his art exhibit, or whatever the hell it was called, where he gathered in a theater to watch all of his movies for anyone who would like to watch with it, LaBeouf deserves his own big head tribute in the shape of, well, a big head float. He himself would of course be leading the float’s handler’s because he’s just that into himself, folks.

3. Princess Leia’s Slave Costume (take that Disney!)

With the history of the Princess Leia slave costume being re-written by Disney to the point that it just may not even exist in the near future, let’s give this piece of iconic wardrobe one last tribute. Never forget.

2. The Pizza Rat

No rat had ever been celebrated as much as the Pizza Rat from the video depicting a NY rat carrying a slice of pizza down some subway stairs. Frankly, he was America’s sweetheart for about a week so why not make our love of this damn rat official!

1. Justin Bieber’s D*ck

I never saw it, I didn’t want to see it, but everyone was talking about it. And since I’m pretty sure the Thanksgiving Day parade has never had a d*ck float before, I think this year is a perfect time to pay tribute to America’s favorite pop star the best way we can. With a big d*ck. Note to parents: Just tell your kids its a cartoon sausage from Shrek or some crap.