10 Crazy Kama Sutra Positions To Make Chores Awesome

RogerJohnson by RogerJohnson on May. 20, 2014

The Kama Sutra is great if you’re a third century Indian monk but let’s be real here; no one has the time to get in there and learn all of those fancy moves like "The Erotic V" or "The Rocking Horse" nowadays. We’ve got these horrible things called responsibilities that keep us preoccupied for the majority of our time. “I can’t hyper extend my knees to achieve the perfect positioning to really get on in there and cause some damage right now sweetheart, but I have to pay bills, water the lawn, and argue with our asshole neighbors” is sadly a common phrase used in every home across the world.

Now, with a few bottles of beer in me, I present to you an answer to your problems. The New, Questionably Improved Kama Sutra.

1. THE YARDWORK POSITION

You’re going to want to avoid pulling this one off in the warmest months due to humidity, hand slippage, and crab grass.

2. WALKING THE DOG

While you're outside, may as well give this position a go.  Your child's razor scooter is also a favorable replacement.

3. GOOD MOOD FOOD

Hungry after all of that "fun"?  Beef and Cheddars, while delicious, may not result in the best experience when combined with the rigorous shaking.

4. THE FUN RUN

Consumer Warning: You will both crap yourselves and then pass out-- potentially not in this order.

5. CHANGING OUT A LIGHT BULB

Let's not forget the most integral part of your day!  Pro tip: Feel free to invite over friends to help with those high ceilings.

6. THE OIL CHANGE

Why pay someone twenty bucks when you could do this yourself!  They say every three thousand miles but you can probably stretch that to five thousand if your partner isn’t in the mood again.

7. LAUNDRY TIME

Added thrills: Turn the dryer on No-Heat Tumble Dry for an extra challenge!

8. DOING YOUR TAXES

No one likes doing their taxes, but the last thing you want is to be audited!  Make sure you keep all major receipts for the year in a shoebox next to your hidden Polaroids.

9. THE HULA HOOP

Time for a little R&R with this one.  Make sure you’ve got ample room to pull this one off. Backyards, unfinished basements, and children’s playgrounds are recommended.

10. QUALITY TIME

With a long day behind you, take a moment to look back on the long sex-filled day with you and yours.  Don’t live by the ocean? Don’t fret! Sunsets happen worldwide believe it or not.

Please let us know in the comments of your successes (and losses) using these new and improved Kama Sutra techniques.  I hope this helped, and by helped I mean gets your sex organs touched by other sex organs.

Written & Drawn by Roger Johnson

 

 

 

 

85 comments
Zylan King
Zylan King

Diamond King we will implement them today : )

Marie-Sheard-938
Marie-Sheard-938 User

Im pretty sure this is just meant to be funny....relax!


Mack King
Mack King

Unless her Vagina is up by her stomach, i dont see that lawn mowing move to be useful. now if the spots was reversed, sure

ChrisFog
ChrisFog User

Well. I had to be #69...

Altaf Ali
Altaf Ali

Afaq Haider Yasser Ali Ali Yahya

Santos Gaytan
Santos Gaytan

Si puedo hacer la #4 en un Ironman. I'm all in ha ha Alberto

Rafael Delgado
Rafael Delgado

Dalton Friday here's some things to keep you and your woman "real" busy

Adem Jakupi
Adem Jakupi

Oh this is funny! I'll bet almost everyone can relate... :)

Lee John
Lee John

Kathleen Mastriano.... Haha right

David Grew
David Grew

Mike get off the oil drill an do some real work with the lady.. lol

John Clifford Reofrir
John Clifford Reofrir

thats the greatest positions every lovers can do.,kama sutra is d best.,im sure mahatma gandhi will do some of dat in his 2nd lyf..

Laura Galvan
Laura Galvan

But more like, "got that paper to write yo".

Laura Galvan
Laura Galvan

Doing your taxes seems like the only functional one.

Troy Orr
Troy Orr

You can't cut the grass doing this .... Lol